Simple words; hard to put into action, and seems like it is only after everything is tried and all options have run out, that we turn to God. Does He get offended by this; I hope not.
I am writing you a sad and desperate letter and asking for one powerful thing to support me--pray. Please pray. It is the one thing left that I think I can do and ask for that might make a difference. This week will be hard for me. I am falling apart and need to face some "mosters" and keep moving forward with the house. So here is what I am facing this week.
I am facing great depression. I have been crying almost daily for a week now. May 29th, was the seventh month anniversary of the fire and there hasn't been any work done on the house since April 12th (which is why I haven't posted any April or May updates). The house is only in the rough-in stage which is just the wood. no electrical, no plumbing, and no progress in sight. You are invited to view my photo album: Construction by Maria. View Construction Album. Play slideshow. If you are having problems viewing this email, copy and paste the following into your browser:
http://picasaweb.google.com/couragee25/Construction . It's funny: I hate the house for all the things I've lost--both tangible and not; but I miss it and want to go home.
My house is set for a sheriff sale June 23rd. I think I have worked out something with the morgage company. It's my fault. I manage money poorly and nfortunately I have made at times "poor decisions". I paid for medical care for birds or my dogs, or other animals. I have choosen to rescue and rehab sometimes before my other bills. I have a caring heart and can't say no. I believe, "One can measure the greatness and the moral progress of a nation by looking at how it treats her animals." by Mahatma Gandhi. I believe that believing is something can require sacrafice. And lets face it there aren't enough caring people working on hunger, homelessness, animal neglect or other needs of this sort. I have often prayed to God in those tough times, that I am taking care of His, if he could take care of me. Perhaps a delusion I have, but I do believe He sees my sacrefice and will help. I hope it is now. Maybe to some all this sounds crazy and maybe it is, but would I go back and change anything. Would I have not saved Andy or Abby. http://good-times.webshots.com/album/561114924bvANRB and http://newyorkbirds.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=492&sid=87fbe741cc10d98ba4968594053825df Or paid to try to have saved Precious; I think not. And this agreement with the morgage company may just be God helping me. The morgage company has agreed to write off 70,000 in debt lowering my owed amount to 230,000. They also stopped my progressive interest now at over 9% and bring it down to a fixed for three years 3% at. I sent a signed agreement and a down deposit of $2500+ (leaving me with 400 to live on for the month of June) to secure this new loan. I should know by week's end if I save my house and now will have 1200 payments instead of 2600. Please pray it all goes smoothly.
I also still owe last year's taxes on the house. Since the fire in October, I haven't worked my extra night hours first because of my state, but then because of the CA budget crisis, the district closed positions. That is an extra 1000 monthly I don't have anymore.
I am being sued by someone because he wants his birds back. I understand. The woman who has the birds won't give them back. I understand her concerns but don't believe she has the right to hold them. I was part of a group of people to took possession of his birds in early November fearing for their well being and with the owners consent. I am scared what might happen in court but ready to face the hearing. I don't know what will happen. The man is asking for his four birds and $7,500. I don't have them or the money. Please pray. That is on Thursday.
I also go to court on Friday. I got a traffic ticket in February for supposibly running a stop sign. I don't know if I did or not because Precious was dying at the vets office, and I was on the phone with the vet. I am so overwhelmed and broke and living out of boxes in a rental home, and everything else, I didn't deal with it properly. The bill is now over 500 and in collections, and I am facing my licence being suspened. Please pray that Friday goes well. I need to step up to take responsiblity but can only hope for leanency.
My contractor's lost his licence. I hope he is a good guy. That is what is hard as well, trusting. And knowing the right people to trust. I hope he can get back on track, so he can finish my house. I hope I haven't placed my trust and my money in the wrong place. I am scared--really scared, but try not to think about all this. It is all just so overwhelming and I have no answers or solutions. My house permit has been pulled by the city. The drawings don't match the construction because when plans were picked up in December 07, the old plans were stampted and not the new, but construction followed the new. The engineer hasn't drawn the plans correctly per my wishes and the construction, so I hired an architech to fix it. Then the engineer wrote me a letter stating that some changes are not engineeringly sound. I passed that on the the architech. Now maybe the walls/windows have to be rebuilt. I don't have plans; I don't have a permit; I don't have a licenced contractor, and I don't have a livable house (and may not have a house after the 23rd.) Tell me God isn't punishing me somehow for something. How can I stay calm through this storm. How can I survive this. Please pray for me.
I am praying. It's cheaper than drinking. lol. But seriously, I have tried to solve these problems above every which way I can think. I got nothing. I have tried to get help from others to resolve these matters. Nothing. All that is left, and hopefully the most powerful, is God. I need God to step in and rescue me. Rescue me even from myself. I know I have been quiet about alot of this stuff, but I tried to just 'deal with it". Well that hasn't worked out so well. So now I am asking for your help. Please pray for me. Please.
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."-Antoine de Saint Exupery
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