Surviving and Thriving

2010-05-13T13:24:00.000-07:00

Thoughts for today:
"May I never miss a sunset or a rainbow because I amlooking down."-- Sara June Parker

"A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. Andall plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion arefruitless. We find that after years of struggle that wedo not take a trip; a trip takes us."-- John Steinbeck

How true both are for me. And a good thing to remember to just be present and mindful, then.

Kindness Through Loss

2010-03-06T21:09:00.000-08:00

Before you know what kindness really is, you must lose things, feel the future dissolve in a moment… only kindness that raises its head from the crowd of the world to say ‘it is I you have been looking for’ and then goes with you everywhere, like a shadow or a friend. –Naomi Shihab Nye

Loss and the stages of grief that accompany it are universal. Little by little, beneath the anger, denial and depression, our sorrow carves the unbelievable into our psyche, making the grooves in our brain expand to accommodate what our hearts cannot hold. This is the truth of deep sorrow; it changes us bodily if we allow it. Refusing is no good; although it is unfortunate no prizes are ever awarded for the mighty efforts made to resist our own pain. The resistance becomes its own storyline, which the Tibetans call “shenpa.” This is the places where loss hooks us, and rather than actually experience the depth of our sorrow and pain, we devolve.

Shenpa is pre-verbal. It is the electrical charge behind our emotions, our thoughts and our words. It often is the energy behind the storyline that we fall into continuously, often without our own witnessing. Whether we are hooked by our attachment to who we think we are, what we have or don’t, who we love or who doesn’t love us, as soon as “shenpa” takes over, we lose the chance to feel what is really going on. The more someone tries to get through, the more closed off we become.

Our storylines can replace our life experience for our entire lives if we aren’t careful. Losing the ability to feel works both ways, it isn’t only the painful emotions we miss, it is the joy and pleasure too that gets devoured by our habitual reactions that don’t serve to protect our hearts nearly as much as they numb them.

I have been practicing leaning into the losses lately. It is not pretty, trust me. I am not trying to paint a rosy glow of the unbearable and intense loneliness and abandonment that translates from loss and sorrow for me. Staying with it has been exhausting. But it also has been a window. Insecurity, fear, loss are the roots of our natural intelligence. They have the power to shine a light on what really matters if we have the courage to unhook ourselves from our stories. They can stand alone and wash over us, seemingly swallow us up whole, but then just like the tide, they retreat. Shaken up but still intact, our hearts strengthen from vigorous use. They will not break under the weight of our feelings; they will grow stronger and more compassionate.
We are all out there being tossed around by the waves of success and ruin. It is the most universal experience of humanity. Not only hope springs eternal, real kindness grows from what we lose. We become our own friend, like our shadow that is with us in the light and the dark.

Wendy Strgar

2009-05-26T09:01:00.001-07:00

To gain that worth having, it may be necessary to lose everything else. - Bernadette Devlin

All I can say is, "WOW!" I think so.

Having it all come together is good!

2009-05-06T21:33:00.000-07:00

Compassion is for the birds, U.S. Buddhist group preaches

http://www.buddhistchannel.tv/index.php?id=60,7608,0,0,1,0
http://www.tarafoundation.com/links.html
http://www.garudaaviary.org/

Today's Thought

2009-05-01T13:08:00.000-07:00

"Take the first step in faith. You don't
have to see the whole staircase.
Just take the first step."
- Martin Luther King Jr.

Move-in Day

2008-10-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

Well in high fashion, and I mean high fashion, I arrived back into my home. I moved the birds, foster cats, and dogs back in last night. Exhausted I went to sleep but was up many times tending to nervous animals. Early in the am, and only in underwear, I let the dogs out to potty. One of the dogs is a foster and wasn't used to all the changes, so not thinking clearly and only having locks in the doors for less than 24 hours, I went outside to get dogs situated. Later I discover that I had locked my bare a__ self out with out clothes, keys, or phone. Good thing I live in the CA valley because the morning air was tollerable, but not for the 2 hours I waited for somebody to walk by the house. Finally a neighbor came out on the way to work. They called a lock smith. 79 dollars later and one great comment, "Boy, you really aren't dressed!" I was back in and dressed.

Such was the first day in. Today I finished moving most of the stuff in, but it will take me months to get it all settled.

Here is the album from early construction until late summer:
http://picasaweb.google.com/couragee25/Construction

And this one contains photo from Record the day of the fire, then the rest is from late summer until September.
http://picasaweb.google.com/couragee25/FinalStretch

I will take pictures of home once things are unpacked and set. I thank you all for joining me on the long journey home. Who'd imagine that it would be a year, but October 29th will be the one year anniversery. May God bless you and your loved ones.

Well thought you all might enjoy the update.

Te party was a success, tanks to Kim!

2008-09-16T23:23:00.000-07:00

Okay, here are the pictures from Maria's Welcome Home party (although a bit premature as I am still unable to actually go home!) You should be able to click on the link and then select "slide show" and it will take you though the pictures.

Enjoy!

http://family.webshots.com/album/567052243TaffbS

As of September 17th, the painting still isn't done, baths and kitchen incomplete, floors not started, etc. etc. I can't believe it is going to be 11 months in a few day of reconstruction. I had never believed it would take this long!

Why we bother, why we suffer with them.

2008-08-08T13:16:00.000-07:00

I walked into the bird rescue
The volunteer greeted me
She was helping Polly learn to trust
She was struggling I could see.
I said, "Tell me why you bother,
Why you waste your time this way.
Polly's only one of thousands,
Does it matter anyway?"

And she said "It matters to this one,
She deserves a chance to grow.
It matters to this one
I can't save them all I know.
But it matters to this one
I'll help her be what she can be
It matters to this one
And it matters to me."

"A Smile is a light in the window of your soul that shows your heart is at home."

I looked at all the parrots . . .
the cast offs of human society.
I saw in their eyes:
Love, hope, fear and dread,
sadness and betrayal. . .

AND I was ANGRY!!

"God", I said,
"This is terrible!"
Why don't you do something?"
God was silent for a moment,
then softly said,
"I have done something;
I created YOU!"

Author unknown

> The Less Then Perfect Bird
>
> The less then perfect bird sat alone in her cage. Watching the perfect birds
> leave each and every day. She was bedraggled and straggly, older then her
> years. She never had an owner who showed her love or care.
>
> The beautiful conures, the big grand blue and gold. These birds were leaving
> and oh the stories that they told. They were going to a place called home
> where they would spend their lives. Life would be happy for them, no more
> would they know strife.
>
> Not that life in the rescue was bad. I was happy. I felt loved. But I could
> not help but wonder what I was missing out of.
>
> Then one day the rescue lady looked at me and sighed. She called the vet, he
> took blood and brought the lady aside. He said to her things do not look
> good, She might not have a year. The rescue lady with a tear said this was
> what I feared.
>
> The rescue lady held and kissed me. She said you may not find a home. But I
> will be with you, you will not die alone.
>
> Then one day a woman came in and passed the perfect birds by. She pointed at
> me and said this one has caught my eye.
>
> The rescue lady sighed and said this one is not so great. She is plucked and
> sad, a short life is her fate.
>
> But the woman took me home and showed me so much love. Good food and
> happiness like mana from above.
>
> Then one day the woman called the rescue and cried, her sweet little less
> then perfect bird had died. The woman buried me in a little grave and told
> me I was so loving and so brave.
>
> Then my soul took flight to the heavens up above. I flew right to the angels
> and told them of the love, that I was given in my very last year. I asked
> when they saw the Big Guy to whisper in his ear about the wonderful people
> who gave me such good care.
>
> So that's the end of my story and I thank the stars above that this less
> then perfect bird experienced perfect love
>
> Dedicated to Buzzy, Sunny, Sylvie ( less then perfect tiels who have passed
> on) and all the people who shared/share their hearts with less then perfect
> birds.
> By Lynda Lewis aka Lynjupiter

End of July 08 Update

2008-07-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

Roof was completed today. Most plumbing is complete. Some more with electrical, and they started cable and tv wiring. Then they will complete installation of insulation, and then dry wall. Pix will be loaded soon.

Mid July Update

2008-07-18T12:20:00.000-07:00

I have been very busy, but overall doing well. My very hyper foster Aussie got adopted. YEAh! One mamma cat and five babies went back to center to go up for adoption! Dxqqsq (Angle just jumped on keyboard to say hi, I guess.) Just had to put out some vet money this month. I got another tiel in from the pound. Her stools didn't look rite so took her in for blood work $300. Has some liver/kidney problems. We are trying diet adjustments. Then she flew and landed badly nearly taking out her eye. Back to the vet $100. Had to have special meds because the more regularly used one would have killed her to use with her current medical problems. Knowing this, priceless!

For the house, work is progressing, but some sad/good news. They are tearing down more of the interior walls. Well all of the rest of them. The front of the house had been left alone, but because new plumbing and wiring needed to go in, and with asbestos and lead paint in the walls, well they ad to go. Sad because hardly anything of the past is left which is what makes old homes charming, but considering the contents, I guess all is for the better. I hope and think that they will try to match what the interior look like with rounded ceilings, trim everywhere and what not. They put in doors and windows, started plumbing and HAC configuring. Roofing starts next week. They keep promising that by the end of August, they will be done. So keep those bags packed for September evening barbeque!
Pix will be coming soon. I go back and forth between the two houses taking pix and watering and keeping the men hopping!
Take care.

July update:

2008-07-07T22:04:00.001-07:00

Well, everybody must have prayed very well. I was able to keep my house and got the permit reissued. I was dismissed from the court case in Fresno. And I was able to get community service and completed that and turned in my paper work today. Things are definitely improving in my corner. Thanks to all your prayers.

By the last Thursday of June, I had been issued by permit again. Woo Hoo! Last week more framing was happening. Contractor doesn't expect any more delays so work should really start to progress beginning on Monday. I am planning a house warming party (no pun intended) September 6th and was told by the contractor confidently that all work should be complete. So get your pet setters set up and come on by. I want to thank everyone for helping me through this turbulent time.

Keep up to date construction details at this site. http://picasaweb.google.com/couragee25/Construction And of course, I will put party online as well.

P.S. Kim in Tennessee took Charlie the Amazon and is helping a neighbor care for him. After many tests, he was cleared as healthy by Dr. Olsen.
Maria and Kim,

Charley is doing really well and is settling in nicely. Yesterday he came out of his cage on his own and spent part of the afternoon sitting on the roof of his cage. He will let us give him food if we're slow in moving out hand to him, otherwise he gets scared of it.

We put a wood perch on top of his cage this evening and he's been running around all over it. He's even playing with the two toys that we hung from it for him. He has started to discover that wood is for chewing, I guess just hearing Kiko is enough for Charley to channel his inner cockatoo :)

He was really quiet at first, but has started to make a lot of little squeaks and chuckles when we are in the room with him. If we don't pay attention him enough he has one particular squeak that he uses to get us to turn and look at him. He loves playing a blinking game, where we copy his blinks, and he progressively makes them in a more complex pattern to see if we can keep up. He hasn't tried any new foods yet, but he's eating all of his seeds from his food bowl.

We'll keep you updated.

-Madeline and Albert
http://good-times.webshots.com/album/563992501JYfKeo

2008-06-11T22:37:00.001-07:00

Good evening and God Bless you all. Driving down to Fresno was so hard. I felt so alone. But then Kim called. Then I stopped at a church and prayed. Then I knew I was going with God. You all must have prayed hard because the trip was safe, the court went well and I was dismissed from the case. Dont ask me how the court case ended. Once dismissed, I couldnt drive north fast enough. Left court room while everybody was still carrying on.

I faced another hurdle friday in traffic court in Stockton. I so appreciate your time, efforts and concerns! It is good to be reminded that I have so much support. My court case on Friday was easy. There was a court room full of folks in the same boat. Court staff wanted people to quickly plead, pay, or ask for a trial. Everyone (at least those that didn't argue) were up and out in minutes. So I plead no contest and took community service or 30 hours to just move on with my life. So with all of your prayers and God I survived a very difficult week. I am physically and emotionally drained but alive, well, and still a home owner, so life is good.

Summer school started and I am working to make some extra mula since it doesn't grow on trees. I know, I've checked. I met a homeless man at Jack in the Box today. He was looking to work for food. I was exhausted, buying coffee and wondering how much energy I had to mow my law and pull weed. God works in funny ways I guess. I hired him on the spot and took him to the fire house where we work for about three hours cutting, watering and weeding. We talked about each of our situations and how we didn't ever expect to be where we are. He too has faith in God and still keeps hope for something better. I paid him and he went to eat at McD's where I dropped him off.

We both talked about how we have been down and out and thought about suicide but have always found the strength to go on. Last week was graduation. That is always a good time for a teacher to remember why we do what we do. Last Saturday I took five scrub jays to Mickaboos fish and game volunteer where they are growing up fast. Tuesday night a dove was brought to school that had been attached by a cat. I started him/her on antibiotics right away and got her/him to the vet the next day before driving to Fresno. Left wing had to be amputated and puncture wounds closed, but all in all the bird will survive. Mickaboo found a home with another dove also an amputee. So the two will have company on the ground for life. So even when so much was so awful last week, God still showed me that I have so many friends and so much work to still get done. Thank you all for being part of my journey.

Once I got home I got online. Someone was giving away an Amazon who was not doing well. I picked him up and got him into Speer in the afternoon. Still so much here on planet earth to do.

Letting go; letting God

2008-06-03T09:07:00.000-07:00

Simple words; hard to put into action, and seems like it is only after everything is tried and all options have run out, that we turn to God. Does He get offended by this; I hope not.

I am writing you a sad and desperate letter and asking for one powerful thing to support me--pray. Please pray. It is the one thing left that I think I can do and ask for that might make a difference. This week will be hard for me. I am falling apart and need to face some "mosters" and keep moving forward with the house. So here is what I am facing this week.

I am facing great depression. I have been crying almost daily for a week now. May 29th, was the seventh month anniversary of the fire and there hasn't been any work done on the house since April 12th (which is why I haven't posted any April or May updates). The house is only in the rough-in stage which is just the wood. no electrical, no plumbing, and no progress in sight. You are invited to view my photo album: Construction by Maria. View Construction Album. Play slideshow. If you are having problems viewing this email, copy and paste the following into your browser:
http://picasaweb.google.com/couragee25/Construction . It's funny: I hate the house for all the things I've lost--both tangible and not; but I miss it and want to go home.

My house is set for a sheriff sale June 23rd. I think I have worked out something with the morgage company. It's my fault. I manage money poorly and nfortunately I have made at times "poor decisions". I paid for medical care for birds or my dogs, or other animals. I have choosen to rescue and rehab sometimes before my other bills. I have a caring heart and can't say no. I believe, "One can measure the greatness and the moral progress of a nation by looking at how it treats her animals." by Mahatma Gandhi. I believe that believing is something can require sacrafice. And lets face it there aren't enough caring people working on hunger, homelessness, animal neglect or other needs of this sort. I have often prayed to God in those tough times, that I am taking care of His, if he could take care of me. Perhaps a delusion I have, but I do believe He sees my sacrefice and will help. I hope it is now. Maybe to some all this sounds crazy and maybe it is, but would I go back and change anything. Would I have not saved Andy or Abby. http://good-times.webshots.com/album/561114924bvANRB and http://newyorkbirds.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=492&sid=87fbe741cc10d98ba4968594053825df Or paid to try to have saved Precious; I think not. And this agreement with the morgage company may just be God helping me. The morgage company has agreed to write off 70,000 in debt lowering my owed amount to 230,000. They also stopped my progressive interest now at over 9% and bring it down to a fixed for three years 3% at. I sent a signed agreement and a down deposit of $2500+ (leaving me with 400 to live on for the month of June) to secure this new loan. I should know by week's end if I save my house and now will have 1200 payments instead of 2600. Please pray it all goes smoothly.

I also still owe last year's taxes on the house. Since the fire in October, I haven't worked my extra night hours first because of my state, but then because of the CA budget crisis, the district closed positions. That is an extra 1000 monthly I don't have anymore.

I am being sued by someone because he wants his birds back. I understand. The woman who has the birds won't give them back. I understand her concerns but don't believe she has the right to hold them. I was part of a group of people to took possession of his birds in early November fearing for their well being and with the owners consent. I am scared what might happen in court but ready to face the hearing. I don't know what will happen. The man is asking for his four birds and $7,500. I don't have them or the money. Please pray. That is on Thursday.

I also go to court on Friday. I got a traffic ticket in February for supposibly running a stop sign. I don't know if I did or not because Precious was dying at the vets office, and I was on the phone with the vet. I am so overwhelmed and broke and living out of boxes in a rental home, and everything else, I didn't deal with it properly. The bill is now over 500 and in collections, and I am facing my licence being suspened. Please pray that Friday goes well. I need to step up to take responsiblity but can only hope for leanency.

My contractor's lost his licence. I hope he is a good guy. That is what is hard as well, trusting. And knowing the right people to trust. I hope he can get back on track, so he can finish my house. I hope I haven't placed my trust and my money in the wrong place. I am scared--really scared, but try not to think about all this. It is all just so overwhelming and I have no answers or solutions. My house permit has been pulled by the city. The drawings don't match the construction because when plans were picked up in December 07, the old plans were stampted and not the new, but construction followed the new. The engineer hasn't drawn the plans correctly per my wishes and the construction, so I hired an architech to fix it. Then the engineer wrote me a letter stating that some changes are not engineeringly sound. I passed that on the the architech. Now maybe the walls/windows have to be rebuilt. I don't have plans; I don't have a permit; I don't have a licenced contractor, and I don't have a livable house (and may not have a house after the 23rd.) Tell me God isn't punishing me somehow for something. How can I stay calm through this storm. How can I survive this. Please pray for me.

I am praying. It's cheaper than drinking. lol. But seriously, I have tried to solve these problems above every which way I can think. I got nothing. I have tried to get help from others to resolve these matters. Nothing. All that is left, and hopefully the most powerful, is God. I need God to step in and rescue me. Rescue me even from myself. I know I have been quiet about alot of this stuff, but I tried to just 'deal with it". Well that hasn't worked out so well. So now I am asking for your help. Please pray for me. Please.

"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."-Antoine de Saint Exupery
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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My March Madness

2008-03-25T00:17:00.000-07:00

Well I have been working for about five hours on this thing tonight. I am not happy, but it will do for an update. I have been on spring break since March 15th and at the house everyday. The 14th the house failed inspection again because the cement contractor didn't feel it was necessary to build the cement forms designed by the second engineer report. What an idiot, but it gets worse. We have to wait 48 hours between each inspection so another inspection takes place Tuesday morning. Nobody is there to meet the inspector and it fails again. I'm thinking this is the twelfth inspection on the foundation.

21 century woman that I am, I get a mammogram first thing am and also get blood draw and in the name of annuals. I can't make urine so I go to grab a coffee now that I can stop fasting for the blood. I stop by the house and see the failed inspection forms. I happen to also be on my period which comes in handy for the first time, because I go ballistic. I make phone calls to head and sub contractors. I make calls to city inspectors (but sweet talking them to see what we can work out) I tell all the boys that I am now a woman on the edge and heads are going to roll, that I am not leaving the property until things are fixed. Well the city inspector tells me what has to be fixed in the basement including the removal of the old hot water tank which I decide to do myself and for the second time in this long, painful, drawn out process, the concrete man has failed to put rebar in the forms and holes. (After I throw in rebar, human bones are heading next from one certain sub contractor.) I find the sub on another job in Sacramento and I tell him that I am going in the basement and finish his job. "oh be careful. You better let me do it." he says. It is everything I can do to keep from reaching thru the phone line and killing him.

I run back to the lab to finish my annual deposits. Go back to the house and field more phone calls from men contractors about how dangerous my basement is and how hard and heavy tank is. Blah, blah, blah. And how the men are on their way to save me.

I call another friend to help, we manage to shut off the city water line, rocket science I tell you. We pull the tank and cap the water and gas line. Well I must of embarrassed (and scared) the sub contractor, so he stay the remainder of the day. The city inspector came out as a favor and re inspected on the same day. I babysat the sub all day and got him to send errand boys for extra supplies rather than him going. He got his job done. Amazing what a little PMS and attitude can do to get some men motivated!

After work finish, I bought some hair color went home and showered and dyed my hair and went to bed. Now is that a 21st century woman or what!

Enjoy the slide show. http://s125.photobucket.com/albums/p60/couragee/new%20home/?action=view¤t=726453cc.pbw

It has happened!

2008-03-18T20:56:00.000-07:00

What you ask? Movement forward on the repair and rebuilding of the house. The city inspector came to the house again this morning and failed the house for like the tenth time. I just had it. I threw a hissy fit, made phone calls, made threats, and generally became a B***** and suddenly I had folks attention. Well I guess that's what the good old boy contracts want. They screw aroung take all kinds of side jobs and service the customer with the biggest wallet or biggest mouth. Well today I got the house reinspected and the concrete poured. Hallalouya! Details and photos to follow. I am exhausted and will be back at the house first thing tomorrow. Every home owner should use their vacation time to sit around snapping orders at lazy contractors. What a difference having a few days off made!

February Update

2008-03-03T12:35:00.000-08:00

Well, nothing to report and that's the sad reality. At the end of January, the cement foundation work failed the city inspection yet again. Then they called for another engineer report. The engineer then took his time and finally came out to inspection the old foundation and make recommendations for improvement. Now it's March. Still waiting for repairs and building to begin.

Precious has ascended today, but remains in my heart

2008-02-21T12:39:00.000-08:00

http://good-times.webshots.com/photo/2248042580072026344KSPkzm

Precious was about six years old. She came to the rescue that I volunteer for from a senior citizen who had tripped on the dog breaking the dogs rib and senior’s hip. She was with me for about three years. On Monday we had been out gardening and enjoying the weather. Tuesday morning she could barely stand. I brought her to the vet’s office later that day.

She couldn’t stand; she was anemic and perhaps bleeding internally. The vet had her on i.v.’s and antibiotics. Precious had some mystery mega infection that no one knows where it came from. I had already lost so much, grieved so much, and I continue to not understand why all of this is happening to me.

I decided to contact a psychic for some answers. Asking: What is wrong with Precious. Is she going to leave me? Why? What happened? Why is God taking all of my babies?? How can I continue to be strong?

I talked with the vet's office Thursday at 9:50 am pacific and she was still earth bound. At 10:22, she ascended. I had already received the psychic read and had got the message loud and clear and will try to honor her life with changing mine. I hope that she is at peace now with the others and her previous mom.

Here’s what the psychic sent to me from Precious:

Dear Maria,
It is always very difficult giving information from emotional communications back to someone, particularly if some of it is about the person themselves and not only their beloved animal friend. I wanted to check a few details with you first to be extra sure of my connection with Precious before we continued which is why I asked you to respond to the details below. Here is the rest of the communication.

It feels like Precious has been stung in her rear (right?) paw between the toes and the pad, or possibly bitten which felt like a sting to her. Her body feels under attack from this.
It doesn't feel like anything she ate, but please check the plants you were planting and others on the dangerous plant list just in case I have this wrong. http://www.ttlntl.co.uk//2/Health/poisonplants.htm

It feels like something like 'poison' has entered her blood stream, first going up her leg.
She tells me she wants to pass over quickly.
There is sadness in her eyes, the grief and sadness are overwhelming her.
Her organs are failing and her heart feels under stress.
She says again 'being poisoned.'
She says of you, you have been crying a lot and also 'calling for help'.
It feels like the animals are trying to change your consciousness, your awareness of life, to help you on your journey.
Precious says she feels tired.
It almost feels like she needs antihistamine/anti-poison.
Precious' immunity is not very strong so it is hard for her to fight this.

1. Why is this happening?
Precious says, 'Because there always has to be change, new beginnings, new life. Transformation from the old to the new.'

2. What happened?
She says, 'I was bitten, stung.'
Massive allergic reaction. Her body can not cope, feels like it is being poisoned and shutting down.

3. Are the other dogs at risk?
'Precious says,
'Not in the same way.
But they do need healing.
So do you.
Set your limits, your boundaries.
You have to love yourself to be able to love us and heal us.
Focus on your own health and happiness.
We are trying to heal you, to rescue you.
This is why we are in your life.
We love you unconditionally, because you do not love yourself.
We wish for you to be happy, joyful and free.
When your healing begins, our healing begins.
You were looking for a spiritual message, here it is.
Self worth is important.
Your self worth is important.
We love you with all our heart.
We want you to love you with all your heart.
This is our simple request of you.
Stop hiding behind your love of others, and remember to love yourself again.
Our health is mixed in with your health.
Our emotions are mixed in with your emotions.
Take time for your own therapy, your own healing and release your negative thoughts once and for all.'

4. Why are so many of my animals leaving me?
Precious says,
'We are ascending to the light where it is light and joyful.
Many animals are leaving, not just us.
We are not 'yours', not your possessions, you do not own us, we are free spirits always.'

5. Tell her I love her, although I am sure she knows as I know she loves me.
'Yes, I love you.'

6. I was thinking of cremating her remains and burying her with the cats, okay?
'Yes'.

7. How am I to be strong in the face of so much loss?
Precious says,
'Find you inner strength.
You do not need to look anywhere else.
The inner strength is the strongest.
You can support yourself.
You can be strong.
Look at this from another perspective.
You are not a victim.
Say to yourself, "I am not a victim".
Everything happens for a reason.
Look inside you for the answers.
Loose is about letting go too.
Really letting go.
Letting go of all that is negative and does not serve your greatest good.
Let go of these things in yourself and you will find your strength, your "couragee" once more.

----
My feeling is that Precious wishes you to help her to ascend.
To assist her journey to a more peaceful and contented place for her to exist now, outside of her physical body.
It feels like all her organs are failing.
She has been bitten and her body can not cope.
She feels very tired now.
The vet's can see that her body is dying.
She wishes to go to the light.
'I want to be FREE'.
---

Talk with you vet. Maybe they can quickly ascertain whether this is a bite/sting and take the necessary action to stop Precious feeling like this. If this isn't the case please consider and discuss with them whether it would be better for Precious to assist her to heaven.

I am thinking of you both at this difficult time.

with love,
Pea

couragee@aol.com wrote:
Precious comes across as a little worrier and she likes to yap. Yes

She is very affectionate and can wriggle. Yes

Precious is sweet natured. Yes

She likes to sleep next to you in bed. Yes

She has stiff hips but loves running fast. Maybe

She eats dog food from a can and also has biscuits shaped like bones. Some
--
Can I ask has the vet given her any charcoal or vitamin E? Vitamins no charcoal.
Were you were planting in your garden? Yes

-----Original Message-----
From: Animal Thoughts
To: couragee@aol.com
Sent: Thu, 21 Feb 2008 6:37 am
Subject: Precious - first impressions
Dear Maria,
I have been communicating with Precious for you. With the time difference I am not sure whether you will pick this email up as it is early morning where you are.

Here are some things I would like to check with you before I carry on. Can you please say yes or no after each sentence.
--------------
Precious comes across as a little worrier and she likes to yap.

She is very affectionate and can wriggle.

Precious is sweet natured.

She likes to sleep next to you in bed.

She has stiff hips but loves running fast.

She eats dog food from a can and also has biscuits shaped like bones.
--
Can I ask has the vet given her any charcoal or vitamin E?
Were you were planting in your garden?

Thinking of you both,
Pea
Pea Horsley
Animal Communicator
Consultations, Home Visits & Workshops
020 8696 9121
www.animalthoughts.com

January Update

2008-02-04T22:34:00.000-08:00

Playing around with photobucket and learning new things. Fighting with contractors and grey hair.

http://s125.photobucket.com/albums/p60/couragee/new%20home/?action=view¤t=726453cc.pbw

Journaling and praying and developing a new perspective.
http://s125.photobucket.com/albums/p60/couragee/new%20home/?action=view¤t=b09365f8.pbr

If the links don't work, try
http://s125.photobucket.com/albums/p60/couragee/new%20home/
and go to adobe premiere and slide show. You will need to copy and paste link.

This is my January 08 update.

2008-01-28T19:53:00.000-08:00

While what went wrong with my dryer is still not known, here's what I've learned and maybe it will save your babies.

Dryer lint goes places, lots of places. It goes and get stuck to the outside of the drum inside the dryer box/outside frame. It sticks to the inside of the vent tube; basically it sticks everywhere and to everything inside the dryer. So Susie housewife is carefully cleaning her lint catch and making sure she never leaves the house while the dryer runs, she still may have a dry explosion waiting to happen. Every year or two years, a service person is suppose to come to your house, remove your dryer box/casing/frame and vacuum out every little nooks and crannies of the thing. Also it is a good idea to clean or replace the vent tube as it too is slowly filling with lint. Did they teach this in school because I missed it.

One possible cause of the fire and why they think it:
Link can smolder for a long time. the fact that I had done lots of laundry the night before and the fire occur nearly 12 hours later surprised non of the experts. That's what link does. The wetter, the long to smolder. Wiring can go bad, rub up against each other and spark. If lint is built up everywhere inside the dryer then bad things can happen. If your dryer is gas, even worse things can happen.

In the loving memory of 28 animals, please pick up the phone now and call the sears repair or other certified professional appliance maintenance person and demand they come to your house at their earliest connivance with a shop vac. Pay any price they demand and make sure you watch so you can learn how to do it. Demand to inspect their work.

Do it today.

Also ask them to vacuum around you refrigerator's compressor.

TODAY!

Lori posts:
Marie, when all this happened to you, my husband didn't believe theat we could have any problem because we have and electric dryer. He never did go clean it for me, I just did what I could bymyself. My dryer wasn't drying that great and I told him I needed a new one. He decided that he could finally get to cleaning it out to see if it would help it work better and lo and behold, it was STUFFED with lint, even though I was careful to always clean the lint screen. He even made the comment that he's supprised we didn't have a fire! Well, duh, I told him!

Anyway, I wanted to post this so that for anyone that hasn't yet taken thier dryer apart yet and cleaned it out, let this be another reminder to do it. Doesn't matter if you are gas or electric!

RB2Mom posts:
Another problem that I found when my drier was not working that well was that it had been pushed back when cleaning the floor and the exhaust vent apparatas had been tangled and folded upon itself so that lint and air was not properly venting. So be careful about moving your drier around and make sure the hose and vent apparatus do not get kinked or folded.

Umbimom posts:
Just an FYI on this subject. If you use dryer sheets in your dryer, you need to take the lint screen out and clean it at least once a month. The perfumes and oil from the dryer sheets build up on the screen and do not let air through which can cause a fire. I had never done this and they told me to try and run water through the screen. The water laid on top of the screen! I now take mine out about 2 times a month and use a rough sponge on it to clean it. Hope this info can help someone else. Sharon

Relle posts:
Thank you Maria...you are a wonderful person to be thinking of others at a time like this. I wanted to add about dryers - I got a new one last year and actually read the instruction manual and it said to never leave wet clothes in a dryer as there is a high risk for spontaneous combustion. (I used to do this a lot - finish a load at night and have it all ready in the dryer to turn on in the morning - the dryer is right beside my bedroom and I didn't like having it on at night.) The other warning in the book was to be careful what cleaners you use on the outside as certain types can combust - plain vinegar and water is best.

ggerdes posts:
Oh, Maria! This is SO tragic because the dryer cleaning process is relatively easy! I'm adding a note here for anybody who can use a Phillips (e.g., has the star shaped tip) screwdriver and is not afraid to do a little DIY:

1. Usually, you can easily remove the back of the dryer cabinet with a Phillips screwdriver (4 to 6 screws). MAKE SURE YOU UNPLUG THE DRYER FROM THE WALL BEFORE DOING ANY WORK ON IT!

2. Prior to removing the back panel, disconnet the vent hoses...some use clamps that you squeeze to open, some just slip on with a compression fitting, others have a clamp that is tightened by one screw. Once removed, you can look up into the vent hose for blockages and check in the vent exhaust of the dryer for blockages. Use the extension tool on your vaccuum cleaner to vaccuum out the vents.

Here is a very short article on other areas of the venting to clean:

http://www.thisoldhouse.com/toh/skill-builder/0,,463819,00.html

2. Remove the screws from the back cabinet panel. Once the screws are removed, the back cabinet panel should come off fairly easily and give you access to the drum area of the dryer.

3. With the panel removed, vaccuum the lint off of the electrical connections, off of the heat coils, and off of any surface that you can easily reach.

4. Replace the back panel.

ALWAYS MAKE SURE TO VACCUUM AND/OR SWEEP UNDERNEATH THE DRYER ONCE YOU HAVE PULLED IT OUT FROM THE WALL! There is always a lot of lint that builds up there as well.

Following is a link to an image of the typical dryer components. Note the long, element cannister. IF you can easily remove this, vaccuum any lint off of the elements. This is most likely where a fire would originate as the lint is in direct contact with the heat elements that heat up the dryer.

Following are some additonal links to excellent sources I have used in the past when repairing my own dryer:

http://repair2000.com/dryer.html
http://repair2000.com/vent.html

Hopefully this will help you all. If you EVER have any questions or get involved in doing this yourself and need help, PM me and I can work with you by phone to walk you through the process.

Copperlyne posts:
It's kind of funny (and not the ha-ha type) that this is brought up.
I had just cleaned the inside of the dryer on Monday and the fridge on Tuesday.
With dogs upstairs, and the cat downstairs, this is done every 6 months. Attitionally the stove, and water heater ignition switches, air-condtiioners and furnace are cleaned professionally once a year, and exaust vents are checked and cleaned if necessary.

ggerdes posts:
AND...with the weather changing and nights getting colder (e.g., unless you live in a WARM area), everybody is starting to turn on their furnaces and, as you pointed out, it is critical to have your furnaces cleaned once a year to make sure they are working correctly!

Ayres posts:
Your story has touched so many people, and gotten many appliances cleaned already- my bosses girlfriend had a guy come in over the weekend to do theirs, and she said it was loaded. She sends her thanks and hugs and prayers to you, as well- and she's spreading the word. Tony cleaned ours out instantly, and my sister did hers.

KaisSecondMomma posts:
I'm so glad things are going better now! I also wanted to let you know that I'm posting the dryer thing on my website and everyone else that I know is putting it on their websites. I know your recommendation to clean behind the fridge may have saved our house... it was a mess back there! We're cleaning the dryer vent in the spring (too cold right now). After I told my dad about your birds dying of inhaled smoke, he showed me the plans for my birthday present when we build our next house in 2 years... it is a room with those special cement walls and a special ventilation system that kicks in when the smoke alarms go off so that if there's a fire, it can't burn the room and the smoke can't get in the room to kill the birds. It's not a big room, but any bird room is better than what I was expecting (I thought they would live in my room).

maryam posts:
yah basically instead of the normal sheetrocks and wooden panels for walls they'd pad it up alot more and with aluminum layers that will last a long time infront of the fire before the wall is burnt down...i learned that in building codes hehe you could probably get the permit for that hourly wall b/c u've had a fire b4 and u could note i don't want the same thing happen again. if they persist and say no we're not allowed to use hrly walls for residential just tell them u're planning to run a business in that room and u want it commercially approved for the public to have access to it. that should make them go by all the fire rated rules around that whole area.

These are really people with real dryers. I know you have one, so why not clean it tonight? Your family will thank you!

Contruction Update for January

2008-01-25T13:46:00.000-08:00

A story that I haven't shared from the fire, seems appropriate here. As the insurance adjuster was making her way through the house taking pictures and making notes on the house structure that needed repair, she got to the living room where door frames, book shelves, and wood furniture all had "pieces" missing. At first she started taking pictures then paused. "Wait. That's not fire damage."
"No," I said, "That's from the birds."
"Well, I'm not paying for that."
I write that with a smile on my face. I simple wasn't bothered by the "notches". But the contractor who liked that I rescue animals, assures me he will work it into getting things fixed. I shrug, "great, new toys!"

spinnyspoo respondse from mytoos:
I guess she didn't know that you had resigned yourself to never having intact furniture anyway!!!

How are you keeping Maria?

My neighbors are wonderful and call me with any concerns about my property. So I got a call from a neighbor Friday. Front gate is blown down, and it looks like someone has tried to break into my garage. I paid one contractor $750 to fix the gate in November because I had several people on the property taking things as all my stuff hadn't been packed out yet. Now between several storms here in CA, it has been completely destroyed. Of course they have been paid, so do they return my calls, no.

I call the contractor who has half finished the foundation work and left everything open and exposed, so now just one big muddy mess and all of that is draining into my basement now opened up, to see if maybe he damaged the garage door when he was removing cement. Of course he can't be reached.

Finally called the head contractor who promised during the last rain storms to fix the tarp after that storm and didn't, if he would now fix the tarp covering my roof as rain continues to deluge into the laundry area. "Oh okay, I'll will fix it, but don't worry, everything will be taken care of," he says.

I am sitting in my driveway three months after the fire with nothing more than mud holes as accomplishments, looking at broken garages, seeping roofs and dangling fence gates. Yeah, don't worry. I hate contractors!

But on the brighter side, again the rescue community is doing better. I am fostering several birds for Mickaboo, http://s125.photobucket.com/albums/p60/couragee/rescues/
and puppies for SPCA. I also have been gardening at the house. I can't live there, but at least my lot look presentable. Besides it is calming.

Randi over at NY birds has finished a dryer hazzard page. Check it out:
http://newyorkbirds.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=646

And Anne is almost done with my memorial.

BTW, here are some ideas if you are in fact thinking of remodeling:
Despite the fact that it is very, very rare for a dryer fire to leave the metal case itself, it obviously does happen. The proximity of cold water supply also give us an opportunity to improve home safety.

The plumber shuts off the water, pull the cold water supply bib, add a nipple and a tee, reinstall the bib, add a 3-4 foot 3/4" metal pipe going straight up the wall, add an elbow, and add a single, side mount sprinkler head. The pipe must be metal since it will be exposed to heat- no plastic, no copper joints to melt, either.

The application of this design is limited, though. You must have some type of enclosed laundry area, and you must keep the doors closed. The small "California Laundry Room" between the main hallway and the garage would be ideal, but a garage laundry area, or my new laundry room, at the base of an open stairway to the second floor, would not be appropriate- remember, the sprinkler head must have enough accumulated heat in the event of a fire to activate itself.

For more information on fire sprinkler news:
http://www.nfsa.org/index2.htm

For more information of fire sprikler design:
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.pro-comm-online.com/Graphics/Fire-WetPipesys.gif&imgrefurl=http://www.pro-comm-online.com/SubFiles/Fire-SprinklerSystem.htm&h=412&w=300&sz=31&tbnid=He3Kzt8eqv2jwM:&tbnh=125&tbnw=91&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dfire%2Bsprinkler%26um%3D1&start=3&ei=geCaR774OanmpgS28ti0CQ&sig2=r_PdF0vGzXatiPOM5HxLmg&sa=X&oi=images&ct=image&cd=3

A little added information from Pro-Comm.

The wet pipe system is the simplest and most common type of fire sprinkler installation. Wet systems are frequently installed in factories, warehouses, and office buildings where the potential for freezing does not exist. A Viking wet pipe system riser can employ a check valve along with an electric waterflow indicator and electric alarm, or for installations requiring a mechanical alarm, Viking offers an alarm check valve and water motor alarm.
Whichever Viking configuration you choose, you will get components designed for dependable operation, long life, easy installation, and low maintenance.

© 1997, The Viking Corporation

Why I do what I do

2008-01-23T22:45:00.000-08:00

This was sent to me today in an e-mail. The videos are very disturbing but if you shop at PetSmart for ANY reason ... look at the practices you are condoning. I'm not asking you to become a PETA member, I'm not even a PETA member. You do not have to be an activist to know right from wrong and to stand up for such
abuse. PLEASE HELP, PLEASE WRITE, PLEASE stop shopping at PetSmart!! Please share this w/ everyone you know that shops at Pet Smart ... even if only for fish food!

http://blog.peta.org/archives/2008/01/petsmart_cruelt_1.php

http://getactive.peta.org/campaign/petsmart_investigation

please mobilize, write letters, boycott, don't shop at any store that sells live animals.

Bird Mill Exposed Part II:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gP3-bQcYirA

In Memory of BoBo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDa5B63v-j0&feature=related

http://www.bobosplayhouse.com/sunshop/images/videos/IMOB_0002.wmv

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDZN-Wn2DL4&feature=related

http://www.mickaboo.org/blog.html

Emails received during the first week since the fire

2008-01-22T23:10:00.000-08:00

Oct 29-31st 2007
(some personal information has been removed including last names for privacy purposes.)
I don’t know how clear all of these are to an outsider. Nevertheless, whether or not one can follow the speaker, all of these thoughts and words come from peoples’ hearts and therefore ultimately God’s. So read to see how speak through us and to us.

From Barbara on the 10/29:
Maria, I know that you are having some bad feelings right now. You must be physically and mentally exhausted. Please call me as soon as you can.
Some people have stepped up besides Carole and have offered their help.
Shelly the girl that you helped the other night said that she has an extra bedroom with a bed in it. Shannon said she has crates, collars, and leashes that you can use and would take one of your dogs if you wish. Judy and Liz has sent out email to let everyone that I haven't contacted to send $$$ to assist you with some of your vet bills if they choose.
I just can’t imagine what you are going though right now and hope that I never know. I don't wish you situation on even those that I don't care for. I know that there isn't much that I can personally do right now, but if you can think of something that I can do please let me know. You are always there for the animals, others, and me and now it’s your time to ask.
Please don't try to take care of everything by yourself and let others help you with what they can.
Thinking of you. You and the animals are in my thoughts and prayers.

Barbara

10/29 8:59, Mickaboo discussion group:
I am just heartbroken. Please tell us if we can help in any way. In the meantime, I believe in prayer and I will be praying for her.
Laurie W.

10/30 Rescue for Parrots discussion group:
I write this e-mail with the hope that you will read it with kindness. Take from it what you will, and don't judge the rest harshly. When I started working full-time for the humane society 15 years ago, I could not deal with animals' deaths at all. I would not even go into the area where the animals were being euphonized, and I would go home and cry all evening. Finally, my dear father who has since passed away told me that I had to find some way of coping with all the sadness or I would have to find another job. So, I started looking for ways to cope. Keep in mind that I have now been associated with about 80,000 animals, and have seen 85% of them die.
My church teaches us that animals have eternal spirits that will be resurrected with us, and we will truly have our beloved companions again. That belief, of course, helps me tremendously.
Life really is such a short time, and we came to earth with the foreknowledge that death would come to each one of us.
I believe, through my experiences at the shelter, that animals do not think of death the way we do. How many of you have said about an aging or sick pet, "He just seemed to tell me it was time for him to go" or "It was as if my cat was asking me to let her go?"
Two weeks ago, we adopted the three turtles we had received. The adopter is a wonderful person who has a Humane Society of the United States certified backyard habitat. When she came to the shelter to pick up the turtles, she fell in love with a little kitten. I knew the kitten would have such a wonderful, wonderful life. But, the adopter called yesterday with the sad news that her little grandson had stumbled and had fallen on the kitten. The kitten is still clinging to life, but the head injury probably will result in
death very soon. Some people would ask why that had to happen since the kitten had had such a sad life and now had a chance at happiness.
The fact remains that God sees the "big picture" of our lives, and death is not the end. It is merely moving to another place that we mortals, for now, don't have the ability to see.
I take comfort every day in knowing that, even though a large percentage of the animals at the shelter will be euphonized, we have given them love, security, and comfort during the time they are here. And, when they die, they will go to a much better place where all of their pain, problems, and troubles are over.
Maria, your grief must be overwhelming right now. I can't even imagine the burden you feel. At some time in the future, you will be able to think of the merciful parts that are intertwined in the tragedy --you provided a wonderful earthly home for choice creatures, their deaths were painless because they just went to sleep, and you will see them again.
In the meantime, please know that the Rescues for Parrots group stands with you and we will do whatever we can for you. Your animals still live -- for now, you are separated from them, but they still live. Spirits never die; earthly bodies do, but never the spirits that inhabit them.
Paulette

I wrote:
Thank you so much. All anyone can do for now is pray. I am still in shock. I can't stop crying. It’s going to take a long while to get over this. Moreover, God had better have good reasons, too because this doesn't make any sense to me. None at all!

Sent: Mon, 29 Oct 2007 10:21 pm
Subject: Re: [Rescuesforparrots] Devastating News –
Maria and her birds

Maria, I am just so heartbroken for you and for the wonderful birds and cats that are playing in the Rainbow Garden. That is the only way I have been able to keep it together since learning of this horrid, horrid fire. I have put off writing all day because I know how upset you are and I don't know how to help you. You must know that God did this for His reasons and we are not to know what that is yet. You have been the best life these animals had in a long time and they all love you as we do. If there is anything, anything at all, that I can do for you, I will. I will come down there and help if I can. You have been such an inspiration to me...to all of us...our love and prayers are with you.
Love and hugs
Renee

Paulette,
That is truly beautiful and comforting to all of us who have lost our loving companions in the past. I just lost the first tortoise that I ever had last year, dear Yoda, and many other turtles, tortoises, skinks, lizards, birds, over the years. They are here according to God's plan on this earth and then they move to the next plateau as do we all.
Maria,
You are in my thoughts and prayers. You have done so many wonderful things for your birds and made such a difference in their lives; what they had then can never be taken away. They knew a home and love before they went to Rainbow Bridge, which is a lot more than many birds ever know in their lifetime.
Susanne

Dear Maria...
My heart goes out to you as well as my prayers. I am in Arizona with my grandson and my kids until Tuesday of next week. I will be happy to come down and do some work around the place for you. I can bring a trailer to help take stuff to the dump... Anything you need. Wish I could do it now, but I'm sure you can use my help next week. Sue Walters and her son will be able to help too, I'm sure. I will get in touch with her and talk with you when I return. God Bless you for all you do. You are such a giving, loving person. Now you will get some of that love back from those whom you have touched with your kindness. Ralph

From prayer email Joannie, seat out:
Maria, I am praying for you today. God is able and will come to you in a very special way to heal your hurting heart and soul. Open your life to Him. He wants only the best for all of us. In God's love and peace. Betty who has just recently lost her soul mate Husband, Ted.

Yesterday, I received this poem from a friend of a friend of a friend. It is very inspiring, written by a woman in the U.K. who, like Maria and many of us, has devoted her life to caring for the unloved and unwanted....
`'My heart is made of feathers'',
The mad parrot woman said.
`'I have feathers in my heart and soul,
Feathers in my head.''
She knew that people laughed at her,
And talked behind her back;
But her love of all things feathered
Would never falter, never slack.
Her world was made of feathers,
Of the birds that she adored.
The smirks of open ridicule
She simply just ignored.
But as the months passed into years,
The laughter, it grew less.
They all began to listen
As she spoke so proud, shameless.
Very few would understand
But they began to realize;
That her devotion to those birds was real,
Acceptance was her prize.
For it meant that people realized
She would never hide away.
For the birds that suffered, the birds that died,
Her voice was here to stay.
Her world was made of feathers,
A place of loneliness, she knew.
But if her human friends walked off;
Her feathered friends stayed true.
Her world was made of feathers!
And with tears, her eyes did glisten
As finally, the world laughed less,
The world began to LISTEN!
`'My heart is made of feathers!''
The people heard her cry.
And to her joy, they didn't laugh….
They stopped, and asked her `'WHY?’’ …

By Anne.

I wrote to prayer line:
You may share. I had two dreams last night although I didn't sleep much. The first was just a scene with a bright light shining down form heaven and all the animal souls were circling up into the light. It was quiet and peaceful and I knew it was a good thing. I also dreamed a strange dream, but the two messages were that human struggle and stumble but we each have a job to try to accomplish. My job is to make things grow. God is with me, this I know. It is also good to know that you are all here too. God bless and thank you.
It is good karma coming back your way for all of the great things that you have done over the years I'm sure.
Kathleen

Also, I'm attaching some pictures of my "kids”. Boomer who is in the first picture is a Mickaboo rescue from last March. He had been found in a tree and was named Crackers, he has about 50% more feathers now than he does did in the picture. Next is my dog Molly the little tri-color corgi playing with my trainers Rhodesian Ridgeback puppy Joy. Finally is one of my favorite pictures of all times and that is Taz and Buster in a tree. Taz is the green one (green check conure) and Buster is the yellow Jenday. Taz my ex husband and I bought about 13 years ago and Buster was a bird that I rescued from what would have been a horrible life either as a classroom bird or she would have been passed along from person to person I'm sure because she had a lot of issues. Anyways I had to put Buster down last year just past Thanksgiving because of a heart murmur but good things came out of my loss. After her I decided to get Molly who as a fellow dog owner you know having a puppy around is sheer joy at least when they are asleep and the 10% of the time she is being good. Also, as a result of the loss of Buster I decided to get a new buddy for Taz who turned out to be Boomer and that got me involved with Mickaboo. My final addition was Pearl who I was asked by Sue if I could go to the SJ Shelter, pick her up, and drive her to Dr. Ferguson's house. I did and it was a good thing because otherwise she would not have lived through the night. I ended up fostering Pearl and after my mom met her, she told me that I had to adopt her, which I did because you have to do what your mom tells you to do. :-)
My point if there is one besides to share with you my "family" is to say that good things come out of sad events in our life. If it wasn't for Buster's passing, I would still have her but I wouldn't have Molly, Boomer, and Pearl. This plus I had the joy of Buster enriching my life for about 9 years, so I'm sure good things will come.
Kathleen

Tuesday, October 30, 2007
OMG...
Jenny writes in her blog:
What is this? Is this week not my week or is it because I am thinking too hard? I don't know if it just me, but every single year during Halloween week something bad happens to me, my family, or people that I know around me. It's really weird.
This week what happened so far, my mentor's house was burned down yesterday and most of her pets died. At least her pets that passed did not suffer because they were not burned, but instead died from smoke inhalation aka carbon monoxide poisoning which is like basically anesthesia that knocks you out. The only pets that survived were 4 dogs. They were extremely lucky and they are currently housed at my workplace- the vet hospital. For more information read the following article: http://www.recordnet.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071030/A_NEWS/710300329 . My heart extends to her as she is my mentor and plus I really got emotional after I learned of this because I seen some of her pets every since they were tiny. Also, for her to go through this tragedy is really emotional due through her daily struggles and obstacles she has to go through. She was born and raised in a dysfunctional family, and then she was sent to a foster home at 17, and was kicked out of the foster care system at 18. What really amazes me about my mentor was that she was able to be accepted at HARVARD and graduated. But what is really weird is that no matter how busy she is, she is a lover of pets. She goes out of her own way and volunteer on the weekends at local animal shelters. I am very thankful to have such a mentor. And at this time of need, it is my turn to console her.
Secondly: http://www.recordnet.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071030/A_NEWS/71030057 This is like the first time I felt an earthquake in Stockton! But, I think it is the aftershock from the main one in the Bay Area like in San Jose/ Milipitas/ etc. I hope my friends are okay down there because I heard it was like a 5.6 magnitude earthquake. It was really weird because I was in a Viet. restaurant and like the floors started to move and the lights and the table started to move around, I was going like WTF WTF is it a earthquake? ><
And like OMG, I have 4 midterms this week, 1 midterm next week, 3 papers due next week!!! It's like what is all this crap? Today, I got done with two midterms- biology and organic chemistry. I think my biology wasn't that bad but I know I failed the organic test! I have a midterm tomorrow in religion, and I have to take my Political science midterm by Sunday midnight, as it is an online class. Next week, I have a computer sci test- shouldn't be that bad and 3 papers (English, biology, religion) due. UGH! So much work and studying! Lack of sleep and caffeine! Ugh. I know I complain too much but this is a blog so bleh. In addition, I still need to do college apps. So much to do! It’s like I'm preparing for adult life even though I'm only 16- I'm juggling a million things: school, clubs, family, work, chores.

Maria, I am so, so sorry. Please know that you and your flock are in my prayers. Seeing so much abuse and neglect as we all do with these guys, please know that in the end they were much loved and spoiled which they all deserve and which we all know very few have the privilege to experience and you did this for them. My heart is with you all. Pam
Pamela
Foster Parrots Lost and Found Coordinator

Maria, I am very saddened to hear of your tremendous loss and just wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. If there is ANYTHING that you need, please do not hesitate to contact me. You are
Very well known and respected in the avian rescue/welfare community and I are sure that the group at MT's would band together also to help you in this time of sadness and need. Please...if there anything I can do let me know. (((Maria)))

The Central Virginia Parrot Sanctuary
Janet
Director, Behavior Management
~~~ Only if we understand can we care. Only if we care will we help. Only if we help shall they be saved. Jane Goodall ~~~

Hi Maria! I wanted to personally express my deepest sympathy over the loss of your animal friends. The circumstances are horrific and to lose so many at the same time is beyond comprehension. All of us in Mickaboo are sick at heart and many are finding ways to reach out. My daughter wants to help collect some household items for you too and has put something on her MySpace site. Please know we all want to help however, we can - just ask. We are thinking about you and pray that you don't lose your giving spirit. When you are ready, there are many more little lives waiting for your kindness.
Claudia
Macaw Adoption Coordinator, Mickaboo

Nov 1-5th

It's good to hear from you Maria and thanks for writing back. I mentioned on MT's that Target offers e-gift cards which are sent almost instantaneously and Kim was going to check for us to make sure you have access to a printer but I see this morning she hasn't. Do you, and is this the preferred email address for you?
I am glad that there is a good support network for you - reminds me what the Wizard of Oz told the scarecrow - "A heart is not judged by how much it loves, but how much it is loved by others". My continued thoughts and prayers are with, as I know many, many others are. Let me know about the availability of a printer to get e-gift certificates to you and what addy you would like them sent My goodness - way too early in the morning for me - that quote is what the Wizard told the Tin Man - the scarecrow didn't have a brain

EchosMom here

I wrote:
Mickaboo and local friends and dog/cat rescue people here are getting stuff together for me. My principal came and got many of my unburned clothes and everybody at work took bags home to wash for me. I am almost as overwhelmed by the support as I am by the loss. The support is that great. I am looking for a new place to live, as it will take several months to a year to fix my home. I need every basic necessity gift cards welcome. Of course, prayers are especially appreciated. Alternatively, maybe like wishful, Anne, I will just have to adopt a bird to keep from being one into my hotel room. Send needed faces my way. lol. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

From: Rebecca
you have been through a lot in your life Maria, far more than I can ever know. you are such an inspiring person because you haven't allowed those things to defeat you. you have great character and you have made yourself vulnerable to others by sharing your story. I have been through my own difficult times and have been amazed at where beauty rises up from the ashes. I believe you know what I am talking about here. Kim said you have a great support system there, which is so key in life and will certainly carry you. you are deeply on my heart and in my prayers.
love,
Rebecca

I wrote:

thank you. While I have suffered great loss, I have gained knowledge that I am so loved and cared for. I just can't say thank you enough to everyone.

From: Rebecca
Sent: Thu, 1 Nov 2007 2:08 pm
Subject: dearest Maria
Maria,
I just heard the news moments ago. you are special. you are loved. you are fully on my heart and in my prayers. I am shattered for you and simply at a loss for words. please reach out for help and support with my deepest concern,
Rebecca

No need to feel you must respond to this email. You are in our daily thoughts and prayers. Linda wrote, "I hope Maria is coping. Her losses, and pain, are with me throughout the day. How does one even begin to heal from such a loss?" We cannot know the depth of your loss and grief is always lonely, but our
hearts are with you.
Love, Randi

I am so sorry to hear of this tragedy Maria -
Listening to you, I could barely breathe! I can hardly imagine how much pain you are suffering. So many little angels have been lost to this world. I wish you peach and love! It is so hard to imagine that Marvin is gone!
I am so sorry this nightmare has happened. At least now, you will have his memories, as we do - Here is a little picture of Marvin to help you through this horrific experience. Hold on tight to your love, remember each precious little life you had and still have! I am grateful that Marvin had such a good life with you!
Love to you
Auntie Heather
The Rabbit Havens

Lint and Dust Fires

In the past 10 days, 2 people that are very dear to me have had house/structure fires that were caused by lint and dust.
Last week a neighbor’s barn caught on fire killing 2 of her dogs, several chickens and causing severe burns to a pair of blue and gold macaws in a nearby flight habitat. The cause of the fire was a spark from the barn kept refrigerator as it kicked in. The coils and underside were dusty and the spark ignited the dust, which in turn ignited the barn. Thankfully, Robbie was home and was able to get help.

Maria Couragee was not so lucky. Maria's fire was caused by lint build up from the dryer. Even though her lint trap was kept clean, lint build up in the dryer duct as well as in and around the tumbler had apparently smoldered through the night. 20 minutes after Maria left for work the fire department was called to her home. Of the 29 rescued birds, dogs, and cats that Maria was fostering, only 4 dogs survived the fire. Not only has Maria lost the precious companions she cared forever so gallantly, she also lost her home and possessions. Every animal Maria took in came from SEVERE abusive and neglectful homes. Her only solace at this time is knowing that she showed them a life free from abuse before they passed on.

Please take the time to call in a professional to clean out your dryer and replace the vent tube. Pull out the shop vac and the refrigerator and clean all the dust builds up from beneath and behind it. For the sake of your pets, your family, your possessions and your life. This is a valuable lesson we all need to learn from here. And say a prayer for Maria and Robbie as they struggle to rebuild their lives. Donations can be made to either party. Please email for contact information.
Please forward this to everyone you know. You may save a life!

Wendy
Executive Director

Prevent a fire clean your dryer
Dryer lint goes places, many places. It goes and gets stuck to the outside of the drum inside the dryer box/outside frame. It sticks to the inside of the vent tube; it sticks everywhere and to everything inside the dryer. Therefore, Susie homemaker is carefully cleaning her lint catch and making sure she never leaves the house while the dryer runs, she still may have a dry explosion waiting to happen. Every year or two years, a service person is suppose to come to your house, remove your dryer box/casing/frame and vacuum out every little nooks and crannies of the thing. In addition, it is a good idea to clean or replace the vent tube as it too is slowly filling with lint. Did they teach this in school because I missed it?
One possible cause of the fire and why they think it: Lint can smolder for a long time. the fact that I had done lots of laundry the night before and the fire occurs nearly 12 hours later surprised none of the experts. That's what lint does. The wetter, the long to smolder. Wiring can go bad, rub up against each other, and spark. If lint is built up everywhere inside the dryer then bad things can happen. If your dryer is gas, even worse things can happen.
In the loving memory of 28 animals, please pick up the phone now and call the sears repair or other certified professional appliance maintenance person and demand they come to your house at their earliest connivance with a shop vac. Pay any price they demand and make sure you watch so you can learn how to do it. Demand to inspect their work.

Do it today.
Also ask them to vacuum around you refrigerator's compressor.
TODAY!

I've heard about your loss and my heart goes out to you. Bill and I will be checking our dryer vents. Also, just a thought: I've lost birds in the past and it's my heartfelt hope and belief that when I die, in heaven I'll be met by a flock of all the birds I've ever loved flying out to meet me and welcome me. When your time comes, you're going to have a real big flock around you!
God bless and remember that all the pets that have loved you, still do.
Elisabeth

Dearest Maria, it doesn’t matter HOW long it takes, just do things in your own time, bit by bit. There is no rush. I am here for when you feel you want to begin. I emailed Kim earlier with a couple of musical suggestions for the background score, I haven’t put the links in this email as I think it may be too soon for you, but Kim has them ready if you want to listen.
Yes Maria, I know that feeling so well of wanting to rush straight into a pet store and buy out every bird there. When I had to let all mine go to their new homes (There were 28 beautiful birds living in my sanctuary at that time, all permanents) I was desolate when my home became birdless. It’s going to be a long healing process for you I know. If you possibly can, believe in the fact that one day, you WILL have a home of your own again, your own bed, your own belongings. Then think beyond even that, as I truly do believe that it will only be a very short matter of time before the first bundle of feathers seeks you out, and begins healing YOU, as you begin healing IT. It will happen.
I will be here as a sounding board for you whenever you need me, vent, cry, and yell as much as you need, I'll never turn away and nether will your wonderful friend Kim.
I have a very personal question to ask you, I hope you do not mind... If you were going to treat yourself to a lovely new nightdress or pajamas (whichever you prefer) what size would you buy? I ask only because I want to send you a parcel, something that is special only to you, which is why I need to ask. I have an idea in mind that I think you will actually enjoy! I have a few little goodies lined up, but it’s not complete without this last bit of info
Please don’t forget to take care of yourself, and don’t try to be too strong. Allow yourself to release all those awful, heart-crushing emotions as and when you need. I’m only ever a message away,
Night and God bless,
Anne xxx

Thank you for the links Kim! I have sat and wept whilst looking at those pictures of Maria’s beautiful friends, I will never understand why tragedies like this happen, not ever. I sent an email to Maria just before, I found her addy in the post on mytoos. I will take everything on board that you and Maria say about the video, and re-arrange it as many times as needed so that the result is perfect. I will send it to you each time to have a look at, see what you want changing, re-do it and then let you take another look, until it is RIGHT! I have a couple of musical scores in mind, if I can work out how, I will link them in this email, and also let Maria have a listen to see what you and her think. I will simply put together what Maria and you want in the best format I possibly can.
Lots of love,
Anne xoxoxox

I was just thinking about how my dear friend April has really learned to be thankful for her life and little girls in a deeper way because of my own circumstances. I know that both you and I know how to live in gratitude and maybe the reason things still happen to us is so others can learn to be thankful for what they have. I know what has happened to you has shaken many people and I’m sure it causes them to re-evaluate themselves. maybe they need more patience when their birds are going crazy, or maybe they take their house for granted and all they focus on are the things they wish were different about it. I can't say that I like suffering so others can learn through me but I am so happy to know that they do. it really means a lot to me when my friends say that they value their health in a way they never did before watching me. it's not a consolation for days and days stuck at home but it encourages me and gives me a deeper ability to bear it. I hope that knowledge will comfort you though I know it doesn't take away how hideously unfair it has been.
thinking of you,
Rebecca

Dear Maria,
My name is Anna - I'm known on the board as meegsmom...I wanted to send you an email directly to express my condolences on the loss you have suffered. I don't know that I can say anything that will help or ease your pain - but I wanted to let you know that there are many people thinking of you and keeping you in their prayers...I have met alot of people over the years on the internet and those with birds are by far those most genuine and caring group of people I have ever met..
I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers...you are a strong woman and I believe you will get through this in time - and one day - maybe you will feel ready to open your heart/home for more special birds to share and nurture and love. I am not a deeply religious person, but I have been through some horrible things in my life as well and often wondered why god saw fit to make these things happen - my mom always told me.”. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and god will never give you more than you can handle. there is a reason for everything. it’s in your book of life and when one chapter ends, another one begins”. I have stopped questioning things and try to accept whatever is thrown at me. it doesn't make it any easier, but it keeps wondering at times - what is coming next...
I believe your work with animals is far from over - and when you least expect it - one of those darling angels up there of yours will direct a special animal right to your door...
If there’s ever anything, I can do or anything you need - please don't ever hesitate to ask. I realize I'm not a close friend and we hardly know each other - but your pain is shared...
In kindness and healing thoughts...hugz
Anna

FW: Marvin page is up
Heather to you - Nov 4 2007

In memory of Marvin
April, 2007 to October, 29 2007
Beloved Rabbit of Maria Couragee
Left this earth due to a house fire on October 29, 2007
He was such a loving boy. Marvin was a pleasure to be near.
His intense blue eyes looked deep into your heart
His soft fur and gentle ways captivated everyone.
He loved to play and was oh so affectionate.
He won the heart of Maria who adopted him and he happily joined her family.

He won over all the cats and birds that lived at his new home.
He was amazing and so happy! He finally found his own family.
He learned to love his new home, especially hanging out with mom or the cats.

Sweet boy who once played and adventured.
Bunny boy who loved and was loved right back.

Now you have a special place to be in the land of Rainbows.
There, you will forever have all you want and need.
Of course, You will have all our love forever.

Visit us sweet little one - come often please.
Give your mom a nudge, she needs to feel you.
When you feel joy, a binkie would be good.
Be happy in your new place.
We love you.

Remember, little man, you are right here in our hearts.
We will never forget you.
Thank you for being on earth with us - even if it was for such a short time.

Love to you and your mom, Maria.
Auntie Heather and Your Family at The Rabbit Haven

SkippysMom from SCB
Liz to you - Nov 5 2007
Dearest Maria,
I am not good with words at times like this, I feel so much sadness and pain for you but the words just don't seem to convey how deeply sorry I am.
There is so much I would like to be able to say. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. I also remember the day my sister, brother, and I were taken from an abusive home as children.
I keep those memories in my mind each time I rescue an animal, and I use those memories to empathize with the animals, knowing that they feel the same fear and uncertainty about their future that I did way back then.
I have been sitting here for a half hour not typing a single word because it's just so hard to know what to say. Nothing I come up with seems right, so I won't say anything else other than my heart is broken, I cannot stop crying for you, and your loved ones affected by this. Please let me know if I can help in any way.
With much love and sorrow,
Liz (SkippysMom)

Re: [Rescuesforparrots] update on myself
Barb to Rescuesforparrots - Nov 5 2007
Please know that we all care about you and are here for you, I can't imagine what you are going through, But I do see you are a very strong person, and this will not keep you down, I see you coming back stronger then ever, and once you are back on your feet and have your home back, I know you will again open your doors and heart to the ones in need.
You are a very special person, who touches all the animals’ lives who come to you. I know there is know rhyme or reason why this happened right now, but as we know many things happen for reasons. Keep your chin up and your head held high, Many prayers your way !

Re: [Mickaboo Discuss] update on myself
Karen to you - Nov 5 2007
Hi Maria,
I don't know you except from the Mickaboo list... I want you to know that I really enjoy your email updates. I know you are updating us on the aftermath of a terrible event, but each time you remind me what is truly important, and how quickly it can all be gone. I often wish you lived and worked here in Vegas. I would gladly and quickly have you come stay in my guest room and use everything in my house that you needed. Please know that even though I don't know you, I feel close to you because of your communication through Mickaboo... even before the event, I always noticed your posts and knew you were a special individual.
Know that your loved ones are safe and watching over you now. They are with you more than you can know; even in those evenings when you miss them... they are there. And... I am there in spirit, offering my help, support, and positive energy, everything I can to be with you from afar. Oh, and if you REALLY miss the 'Too screams, I can send you a couple! :-)
Much love and hugs,
Karen

Re: SkippysMom from SCB
Liz to you - Nov 5 2007
I wish so much I could be there to comfort you. I am sitting here with chills going up and down my spine and knowing so strongly that you will heal. You won't ever forget those precious souls that perished in the fire, but you will come to terms with it and create something from that pain that will benefit others in some way.
I am no stranger to pain in connection to animals, and although I cannot say I know exactly what you are going through, I can say that I know it is immensely sad and painful. I have had to bear the pain of losing one animal at a time; your pain is many times that. Please just stay strong and share this burden with others.
please please call me if you need to hear a voice. I wouldn't give you my phone number if my concern and caring for you were not sincere. You have friends and people that love you. I am here and will help in any way I can.
I am not going to tell you not to be sad, how could you not be sad? What I am asking you to do is not blame yourself. What happened was not your fault.
Love and hugs,
Liz

Sent: Monday, November 05, 2007 7:24 PM
Subject: Re: SkippysMom from SCB
There was a loud explosion when the gas line blew. I fear they may have been still alive and became very scared. From 7:50 when I left the house until the explosion and the fire department, being called at 8:15 was very little time. I live close to the fire station and they were probably on site quickly. It all happened so fast. I worried that they felt scared and alone. I am so sorry I wasn't there to rescue them. to comfort them. I would never have left them alone. Never. I would never have done anything to hurt them. I love them all so much. I think I felt them twice this week. I wish for more. I wish I could pet them, tickle them, and blow on them. I wish I had collected more of their feathers. I wish we had more time. I just can't cope with the fact that it is over, at least the physical part. I just can't.
Okay, I just needed to say that, mostly to them, but to you too. I am so sad. Just so sad.

From: Liz
Sent: Mon, 5 Nov 2007 2:36 pm
Subject: Re: SkippysMom from SCB
This would be so much easier if I were there, rather than clear across the country in Pennsylvania. I think the thing that makes it hard to know what to say is the worry of upsetting you more if I accidentally say something wrong.
I really just cannot get this off my mind. I keep getting hit with these waves of emotion, thinking about just how horrific this situation is. My Greenwing has been singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" today (well, trying to sing it) and I cracked open an English Walnut and gave the nutmeat to my cockatiel and he whistled a little tune to me and said, "Thank you" as I was walking away. Those moments are hitting me hard because I am sure you have memories of your babies doing special things like that, and I hope you will reach out to all of us at SCB and any other friends you have when those memories hit.
One of our rescued tiels, Lil'bird, passed away last January. She had a horrible life before we got her and we made sure her life with us was peaceful. I don't usually tell people this, but after she passed away, I was clearing out her cage to take it up into the attic and saw this little blue ball of light hover there for a split second and just zip away. Every now and then, when I am thinking about her, I see that blue light flash near me. I feel that she is happy now and free from the emotional and physical pain she knew here on earth. She was a breeder bird and was very worn out when we rescued her.
I have had many rescued animals, dogs, cats, and birds that have since passed on. One dog in particular, a Great Dane, stays around me. I can feel him laying his head on my right thigh like he always did when he was alive. Sometimes I feel a cat I used to have curled up behind my knees when I am laying in bed, the way she always did when she was alive. My husband tells me sometimes he feels her there too, curled up against his neck.
I won't pretend to understand what happens once we leave our physical bodies, but I sincerely believe it is not over at that point. I strongly feel our energy continues to exist and that this is true for animals as well.
You will probably think I am crazy, but it might help to talk to all of your babies as if they were there in a physical body and explain to them what happened that day. Explain that you would not have left them if you had known something so horrible was about to happen. I can just imagine it all happening so fast, they probably did not know what was going on. It will help them to have it all explained.
I hope I am not upsetting you, I would want to shoot myself if I did something that made this all worse for you, but I can't stop thinking about this. I just feel like they are confused about what happened and it will help if you explain it all to them.
Please stay in touch with me; I will be praying and worrying.
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
Liz

Sent: Monday, November 05, 2007 10:58 AM
Subject: Re: SkippysMom from SCB
Thank you so much. knowing that people are there for me. Praying, giving, thinking, and reaching out are so much help. If know one was there I think I would really kill myself. So keep talking to me. I know the right words aren't there. I can see this is tragic for everyone. I need people right now. I need to be able to email and or call folks. This is so hard and I imagine it will be for a long time. so stay close. that is what I need.

From: Liz
Sent: Mon, 5 Nov 2007 6:33 am
Subject: SkippysMom from SCB
Dearest Maria,
I am not good with words at times like this, I feel so much sadness and pain for you but the words just don't seem to convey how deeply sorry I am.
There is so much I would like to be able to say. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. I also remember the day my sister, brother, and I were taken from an abusive home as children.
I keep those memories in my mind each time I rescue an animal, and I use those memories to empathize with the animals, knowing that they feel the same fear and uncertainty about their future that I did back then.
I have been sitting here for a half hour not typing a single word because it's just so hard to know what to say. Nothing I come up with seems right, so I won't say anything else other than my heart is broken, I cannot stop crying for you, and your loved ones affected by this. Please let me know if I can help in any way. With much love and sorrow,
Liz (SkippysMom)

I'm sorry
j krofcheck to you - Nov 5 2007
Hi Maria,
I am so sad to find out what happened, and also very moved and thankful to see how there are caring people around you, near and far. I don't even know if Prince or Samantha were still with you after this many years, but I wish this had not happened to you. You can call me for anything you need that I can give:

John
aka Sensi
aka HeartBoy

Something to comtemplate

2008-01-20T00:55:00.000-08:00

1 Corinthians 13 (New Life Version)
New Life Version (NLV)
Copyright © 1969 by Christian Literature International
1 Corinthians 13
Love - The Greatest Of All 1 I may be able to speak the languages of men and even of angels, but if I do not have love, it will sound like noisy brass. 2 If I have the gift of speaking God's Word and if I understand all secrets, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I know all things and if I have the gift of faith so I can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give everything I have to feed poor people and if I give my body to be burned, but do not have love, it will not help me.
4 Love does not give up. Love is kind. Love is not jealous. Love does not put itself up as being important. Love has no pride.
5 Love does not do the wrong thing. Love never thinks of itself. Love does not get angry. Love does not remember the suffering that comes from being hurt by someone. 6 Love is not happy with sin. Love is happy with the truth. 7 Love takes everything that comes without giving up. Love believes all things. Love hopes for all things. Love keeps on in all things.
8 Love never comes to an end. The gift of speaking God's Word will come to an end. The gift of speaking in special sounds will be stopped. The gift of understanding will come to an end. 9 For we only know a part now, and we speak only a part. 10 When everything is perfect, then we will not need these gifts that are not perfect.
11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child. I thought like a child. I understood like a child. Now I am a man. I do not act like a child anymore. 12 Now that which we see is as if we were looking in a broken mirror. But then we will see everything. Now I know only a part. But then I will know everything in a perfect way. That is how God knows me right now. 13 And now we have these three: faith and hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.

My 911: Sharing on Second Chance

2008-01-17T21:13:00.001-08:00

Monday - October 29th
Maria's home caught on fire this morning. She called me in a state of shock, crying hysterically. They believe it was a gas leak. All of her birds are gone, including Abby, as well as 5 foster cats. She of course is devastated. She wanted me to post and let you all know. I will update as I know more.
The fire was mainly in the laundry room / kitchen area, but the fumes were just to much about the birds. She lost 21 birds and 5 cats and a rabbit. I pray they just went to sleep peacefully. I am heartbroken for her and have not stopped crying. I just cannot imagine what she is going through.
She had 4 dogs that did make it. Two were in the back yard, and two the firemen got to in time and were given oxygen. They are at the vets office.
Please, keep her in your thoughts and prayers. She is going to need our support.
Tuesday October 30th
Hi everyone,
I thought I would give you a brief update because I know you are all thinking about Maria. I spoke with her a little while ago. She is at the house. There are people there boxing up almost everything she owns because it is either damaged by smoke or water. She was able to get a few items and articles of clothing and is getting them cleaned. The other items will be placed in storage for the time being and she is not sure when or what she will get back.
She is being very brave though this whole ordeal, but as you can imagine, very, very, heartbroken as well. She is still in shock and I’m sure the days ahead will not be easy. It will take time to heal from the loss of her birds and other pets.
They will have to gut the whole house and rebuild it, so she will have to find a place to rent for the time being. The insurance company is being very fair thank goodness.
In the interim, what she will need is everyday items and some personal things as well, i.e., sheets, blankets, towels, toiletries, dishes, cook ware, glasses, etc.
If you would like to help, as I know most of you do, you can send any of these items to the address provided below. Another thing that might be easier would be to send a Target gift card. She has a Target store right down the street so this would make things very convenient for her.
For now, she is having her mail sent to the following address, as it is a friends business:
The paper ran a story on the fire today, here is the link http://www.recordnet.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071030/A_NEWS/710300329
She commented to me, “You know I have been rescuing animals for a long time and no one has ever wanted to interview me about it, but now that I have had 30 animals die in a fire, everyone wants to interview me. Sad isn’t it.
Kim
Nelson & Gage Posted: Fri Nov 2 2007 12 54 pm Post subject
May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.
I received this today and thought of you ... I hope you find some peace and comfort. Our thoughts and prayers are still w/ you.
Dana
I posted on November 5th:
Thank you everyone. I hope Bobo was there to greet them. I too bald when I read his story. It seemed to me that he too didn't get enough time to get love like he always deserved. I was and am so prepared to love them always and never rehome (except for the fosters that I had) all of them. But i guess in the end they did have a "home" to return to. I just understand why now. why all at once. why this way. I just don't understand. This was always my worse nightmare and now it has come true.
I guess I will have to pray on the answer to my whys.
I know most of you don't think that you have the right words for me, but just saying something to me is what is helping. Knowing that I am understood and cared about and loved is comforting. You all must know that. Having folks phone numbers is helpful especially if you can take calls at night. Night, no bird buddies to play with. That is when I can't take it.
Many of you are reaching out to me and I so so so appreciate it. I feel your email hugs and still need them.
Today, friends from my dog and cat rescue organization that I volunteer for paid to have all the dogs groomed. (Not sure the dogs appreciate it, lol) but since they are all sleeping on my bed, I sure do. They really needed it and still smelled like smoke. So I pick them up pretty soon and they will be happy when I make a big deal out of how beautiful then are.
Many of you are sending donations. Yesterday I went to Target and got some clothes, a rice/veggie cooker, a toaster oven, and some medicine. Today I needed stamps and envelopes. You just don't know what it is like until you go thru it. I am still trying to figure it out. I don't realize that stuff is gone until I need it and then it is the realization all over again that it's gone. But perhaps that is the process. It is a humbling one for sure.
I am grateful for the dogs to be next to me. I am grateful that my family is so big and the internet keeps us so close. I am working with a bird person who lives in England. She is going to help me design a dedication video for me. I don't have the tech skills, just the memories of each special individual that went home to God. It will take a while, but it might be a good way for me to have some closure working on something like this.
Someone from else is helping me to put together a pamphlet about appliance maintenance so I can share with everyone.
And of course my house will be rebuilt as well my life. So that is the update for now. Keep posting. I might not always post because i am crying too much, but I do read and reread them all. especially at night.
I love you all. God Bless.
http://www.goodshepherdpet.com/Grief%20Counseling.htm
M2Mom Posted: Mon Nov 5 2007 8 39 pm
"I'll lend you, for a little while, a bird of mine," He said. "For you to love while he lives, and mourn when he is dead. It may be six or seven years, or maybe twenty-three, But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me? He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and shall his stay be brief, You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief. I cannot promise he will stay, as all from Earth return, But there are lessons taught down there I want this bird to learn. I've looked the whole world over in my search for teachers true, And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, I have selected you. Now will you give him all your love - not think this labor vain, Nor hate me when I come to call, to take him back again. I fancied that I heard them say, 'Dear Lord, thy will be done.' For all the joy this bird shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run. We'll shower him with tenderness and love while we may, And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay. And should the angels call for him much sooner than we planned, We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand."
~Author unknown
HelloBaby Posted: Wed Nov 14 2007 1 25 am
I'm so glad to hear that you're settling in somewhere. I'm hoping you can breathe a little now. Even if there are occasional bouts with tears, breathe. It seems that your animals have given you a rare and wonderful gift - finding out that all humans are not bad - just as they found through you.
I posted: Mon Nov 26 2007 4 22 pm
I spent the holiday with Kim and her birds. I had a wonderful time getting away from it all. And good thing I did, because I wasn't back in town 9 hours when another contractor wanted to speak with me and on a Sunday too. And he wants me to meet him at the property today. I am so sick and tired of walking though and around that burned out house! But who else is going to make those decisions.
I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. I am certainly thankful for my newly discovered friendships that I have met through this troubled times. Today, I picked up the mail and to my surprise was a wonderful card and donation from Second Chance. I am redoing my foundation and going to add a bird room off of my bedroom. So all cash donation are "going to the birds" sort to speak. Thank you all very much.

Life is Complicated

2008-01-17T21:08:00.000-08:00

When someone fails to move normally through the tasks or stages of grief, it is known as complicated grieving. Cook lists five warning signs of complicated grieving. These include avoidance of grief, chronic or prolonged grief, delayed grief caused by previous unresolved loss, inhibited or repressed grief, and psychiatric illness such as clinical depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder (47). In addition, certain conditions indicate a higher risk for complicated grieving. These include a "history of family dysfunction, resulting in a lack of coping skills and/or low self-esteem," inadequate support system, history of multiple losses, psychiatric problems, "psychosomatic illnesses, indicating that the client has a habit of denying intense emotion," a "suffering life script, indicating that the client ... expects continual waves of misfortune in life," drug abuse or addiction, controversial loss, ambiguous losses, problematic relationship with the deceased, and secondary gain by not grieving. (Cook 48)

My 911

2008-01-16T20:56:00.000-08:00

October 29, 2007: My 911
http://www.recordnet.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071030/A_NEWS/710300329

My journey as recorded on mytoos.com
http://www.mytoos.com/forum/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=141346&fpart=1

Kim posts to Mytoos on my behalf on October 31st:
Hi everyone,
I thought I would give you a brief update because I know you are all thinking about Maria. I spoke with her a little while ago. She is at the house. There are people there boxing up almost everything she owns because it is damaged either by smoke or by water. She was able to get a few items and articles of clothing and is getting them cleaned. The other items will be placed in storage for the time being and she is not sure when or what she will get back.
She is being very brave though this whole ordeal, but as you can imagine, very, very, heartbroken as well. She is still in shock and I’m sure the days ahead will not be easy. It will take time to heal from the loss of her birds and other pets.
They will have to gut the whole house and rebuild it, so she will have to find a place to rent for the time being. The insurance company is being very fair thank goodness.
In the interim, what she will need is everyday items and some personal things as well, i.e., sheets, blankets, towels, toiletries, dishes, cook ware, glasses, etc.
If you would like to help, as I know most of you do, you can send any of these items to the address provided below. Another thing that might be easier would be to send a Target gift card. She has a Target store right down the street so this would make things very convenient for her.

I posted on Mytoos.com November 1st:
I am so very glad I belong to such a big and loving family. Not having a good one in childhood, it is a strange and wonderful experience. Even thou I am suffering greatly, I know that I am surrounded. Thank you all so very much.
Monday morning I was running late for work. I raced out of the house at 7:50 and headed to work five blocks away. My neighbor to the back of the house was also running late and was in her bathroom when she heard an explosion and saw flames. She called 911 immediately. They are probably 10 blocks away and so were on the scene within minutes. One neighbor not blocked by the twenty or more fire trucks, rushed to my school to retrieve me while many of my neighbors came to see if they could help and to tell the firefighters that there were many animals inside, but for most, it was too late.
My neighbor got to the school some time just after 8:30 and the office staff came running into my room screaming, "You have to go, you have to go!"
Having never seen a person act this way and say this to me, I grabbed my stuff running to the office and trying to talk to the office staff to ask what was wrong. But as soon as I came into the office to see my neighbor, I knew it was bad. I turned around and ran the other way heading to my car. But what was waiting was more than anyone should have to bear.
Many animals were already removed from the building and placed under a tarp, one of my neighbors made the fireman put a tarp over them thank you thank you, and firefighters were caring more. I screamed at the firefighters telling them there were animals in the house. They of course knew that already. They wanted numbers. It was terrible hard on them, and I could see that all day long as the worked on putting out the fire, chopping down the burnt wood from the roof and other tasks that they were all very drained by the experience.
As I arrived, one neighbor came to me with precious, dog, in her arms. Everyone shouted precious is okay, she's here. They were trying to offer me what they thought would be my only hope. She was wobbly and disorientated and I quickly made arrangements for another neighbor to take her to me vet. I know the time they were taking out bodies was not a lifetime despite the feeling as if it was; they had brought most out before I even arrived, but it did feel that way. They wouldn't let me on to the property. But they wanted to keep confirming the number of animals and their locations. They asked many other questions, "Do you need us to call someone? Who can be here with you? Do you need to sit down? Can we call the Red Cross? Can we call a chaplain to talk with you? I was in a daze. I kept asking about certain animals and if they were all right. But it seemed that no one had or was willing to answer me.
I asked about my two dogs in the yard and if they ran down the street. Nobody had seen them but the pound was called and they would look for them. Then I remembered the foster dog in the garage, not attached to the house, and that he needed being rescued. They took me to the back to help find him. As I entered the back yard, Nikki and Jack ran from bushes on either side of the drive and came to me. Everybody was glad and surprise that amongst hoses, fire, men shouting, and chaos, two loyal and loving dogs stayed in their back yard and kept their watch even if in hiding. But now they were revealed and safe. I had my neighbor put them in her house. I returned for my search of the foster dog that I almost had let him stay in the laundry room that night but last minute had put him in the garage because he is not potty trained.
He was there and very glad to get out. I went back out to the street and then for the first time looked under the tarp. . . . Nothing can prepare you. It's just not a real moment. I was petting them and thinking, "They're not all dead. That one moved. I think she's still breathy.” I wanted to ask the firefighters how and why did they think they were dead. Did they try to revive them? Maybe they just need oxygen. I kept touching each one. I even picked Rosie up and held her to my ear to see if I could hear her breathing. I guess I was out of my mind. Then I called Kim. My first phone call. "They're all dead! They're all dead!” I was trying to talk to her. I don't know if I was making sense but then the pound guy had arrived and took the phone from me. I don't know what was said. I returned to my babies.
The pound guy asked if I would like to bury them on my property or have him take them away. I of course wanted to bury them.
There were lots more questions, lots more people. It’s all a blur. Then a firefighter came out carrying Doodle, a three-pound chi who is always so cold at the slightest breeze, she hides constantly under the covers. She was shaking and unstable. I got her into the car of the neighbor who was taking her to the vet and off she went. That firefighter asked repeatedly throughout the day if the chi was alright, each time delighted when reports came back positive from the vet.
This has been the second longest week of my life. The only longer one is when my sister and I were removed from our home as teenagers because of child abuse. For the last four days, I have spent hours over at the house answering questions about insurance, activities Sunday night, wiring, animals rescue, and talking to everyone that calls or stops by the house. It has been difficult, overwhelming, painful, sad, (fill in other emotions) and long. I ache everywhere’s on my body. I haven't slept much or eaten much.
The only thing that is making this experience bearable is the love from local and distance friends and family. I am overwhelmed my peoples support, condolences and donations. I didn't realize I was this loved and care about.
I am looking for house, which is never easy and even harder with four dogs and a broken heart. I don't know what will happen with this, but will need to set up a complete house of necessities when it happens.I want you all to know that all of you and your warm thoughts and the friends who are not letting me be alone for one minute are literally keeping me alive right now. Please keep praying as this is going to be a difficult road for me. My animals are my world. And while there isn't anything louder and more piercing than an angry too, I would give anything to hear it right now. It is so quiet. I love you, I need you, and that is hard for me to say, “Thank you for being with me in this difficult time.”
Maria.

I post again November 3rd:
I am so overwhelmed. I have boughts of tears. Today it was because my tutor student secretly went behind her parents back to come see my birds. Turns out, she did it just in time. As I was leaving her house today it dawned on my that, she had had that opportunity to meet them. I cried and cried driving to the pet store to get some things for the dogs. I paused briefly in front of the birds then ran to what I needed and made my escape. I just don't understand why. I feel punished. And I just don't understand why. I am always so grateful for what I have and I try to give where I can. I just don't understand why. I’ve lost almost everything. Not just my family, but also my home and my comfort. The dogs are stressed out. And I am just so sad.
But believe me. I keep reading my emails and posts over and over. I might not say much or always respond but I am reading them and saving everything.
I am so overwhelmed.
I am so grateful for everything every one is say and sending me.
I am so sad.
God bless.

A fellow mytoos poster writes on November 4th:
My life is but a weaving, between my God and me,
I do not choose the colours, He worketh steadily,
Oftimes He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside.
Not till the loom is silent, and shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why
The dark threads are as needful in the skilful weaver's hand,
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.
--anonymous

For me, I have chosen to take Psalms 32:8 as my guide in my life through all times:
I will teach thee and guide thee in the way that thou should go. I will keep thee under my eye--Psalm 32:8

I post again November 5th:
Thank you everyone. I hope Bobo, a rescued Malaccan, was there to greet them. I too bald when I read his story. It seemed to me that Bobo too didn't get enough time to get love like the one he always deserved once he was finally rescued. I was and am so prepared to love them always and never rehome (except for the fosters that I had) all of them. So why didn’t I get a lot of time with them. It was too short. But I guess in the end they did have a final "home" to return to. I’m just left to try to understand why now. Why all at once. Why this way. I just don't understand. This was always my worse nightmare and now it has come true.
I guess I will have to pray on the answer to my whys.
I know most of you don't think that you have the right words for me, but just saying something to me is what is helping. Knowing that I am understood and cared about and loved is comforting. You all must know that. Having folk’s phone numbers is helpful especially if you can take calls at night. Night, no bird buddies to play with. That is when I can't take it.
Many of you are reaching out to me, and I so so so appreciate it. I feel your email hugs and still need them.
Today, friends from my dog and cat rescue organization that I volunteer for paid to have all the dogs groomed. (Not sure, the dogs appreciate it, lol) but since they are all sleeping on my bed, I sure do. They really needed it and still smelled like smoke. So I pick them up pretty soon and they will be happy when I make a big deal out of how beautiful then are.
Many of you are sending donations. Yesterday I went to Target and got some clothes, a rice/veggie cooker, a toaster oven, and some medicine. Today I needed stamps and envelopes. You just don't know what it is like until you go thru it. I am still trying to figure it out. I don't realize that stuff is gone until I need it and then it is the realization all over again that it's gone. But perhaps that is the process. It is a humbling one for sure.
I am grateful for the dogs to be next to me. I am grateful that my family is so big and the internet keeps us so close. I am working with a bird person who lives in England. She is going to help me design a dedication video for me. I don't have the tech skills, just the memories of each special individual that went home to God. It will take a while, but it might be a good way for me to have some closure working on something like this.
Someone from else is helping me to put together a pamphlet about appliance maintenance so I can share with everyone.
And of course, my house will be rebuilt as well my life. So that is the update for now. Keep posting. I might not always post because I am crying too much, but I do read and reread them all. Especially at night.
I love you all. God Bless.

I posted again November 6th:
I am just blown away with everyone’s kindness. It's just unbelievable. I thank you. I am still here and still breathing although it is not always easy. I am quite overwhelmed with everything. Just got a call from the insurance adjustor. They had to do an environmental report and turns out there is asbestos in the lat and plaster and in the insulation and lead in the paint. Now before anyone touches anything a haz-mat contractor has to be hired to remove everything to the studs. I will probably be getting back into my house, let say Christmas 2010. Lol. Okay I guess I need to roll with the punches. Well that's what's new. Meeting another contractor to do another round of specks for a bid. If everyone can keep praying for my sanity that would be good right now.
I was back at the house this morning with another contractor. It is so painful to see. I watered my plants not knowing how long I could keep it up and if they will survive. I prayed over where my pets are buried. Then Katie Slider came with donations. I feel so blessed to be apart of the Mickaboo family. This is such a tumultuous time of very good things and very hard things. But with four dogs needing me and the next rescue, I know that I need to keep on keeping on.
Thanks for your donations. Thanks to an overwhelming and generous bird family, I have received many target cards. THANK YOU THANK YOU! But with the new news and some of the repairs now falling on my back (since the house will be completely gutted, now is the time to fix the foundation which isn't an insurance issue) Home depot cards would be the next best way to help out. I feel so odd posting this, asking for stuff. It's not in my nature, but I have never been in this situation before. And I know many of you want to help so I am just keeping the communication lines open. So please spread the word. I am off to meet with another contractor and spend several more hours in my burnt out home, Oh joy . . . not.

November 8th:
Thank you all so much. So many of you posted here, sent emails, and sent gift cards. Hugs back to you all. I feel so blessed in such a time of sorrow. You all reaching out to me is really keeping me going. If nothing else, I feel obligated to respond back to each of you. This is a good thing because I would rather pull the blankets over my head and disappear.
I had a difficult day. I tried buying stuff today but got stuck in cereal isle because I thought about the kind of cereal my birds use to like. I couldn't get to my car fast enough after that and cried all the way home and then some. I need a relief pitcher to take my sorrow. I have been just sad and depressed all evening. I am going through toys from my birds. I don't have all of it. Some of it is new and not yet used, but still in storage. Some of it is from the cages. My friend is washing and bleaching everything. I am keeping the small stuff. Mickaboo is giving me a tiel foster tomorrow. I can't wait.
I will have to do some work on the house, fixing the foundation, that won't be covered by insurance. I will need a new kitchen for sure. Insurance will cover basic replacement, but if I want anything better than the 1970, the date of the last remodel on the kitchen, which includes Formica counter tops, I will need to get it myself. The house had only minimum insulation in the attic when I moved in. I had added to that. There was nothing in the wall. I will now have 21st century features that will make the house more economical and convenient. That is definitely a plus.
But before anything can happen, we are still waiting on the fire marshal’s report. Then once we get that, the environmental report says there is asbestos and lead that has to be removed before work can begin. So I am hunkering down in the hotel for now.
I need to be space efficient so over the last two days, I have purchased at Target a toaster/toaster oven combo, and small rice cooker (and a mickaboo volunteer brought me a stove element, and the hotel provided a microwave and a refrigerator), I bought some cup and paper plates and some real cups and plates, some real silverware, a bed spread, some cleaning supplies, a filing cabinet and large organizer, some food, some doggie things (treats and bedding) and some clothes. I am organizing as much as I can so I can find everything but also not use up the floor space.
The dogs are settling down. They get nervous though when I cry and all come over to me. They are eating better and I try to take them for walks so they get some exercise, as they are otherwise just in the hotel. I use to have a large backyard that they could play in. Once the fire damage and materials are cleaned up from the back yard, I can at least take them home for exercise but not now. There is wood and nails and stuff everywhere and the insulation (half in the back yard now) and lat and plaster with asbestos. The house was built in 1927.
Please remember to vacuum the inside of you dryers, the backs of refrigerators, and the backs of stoves. If you can't move these appliances, a repairperson can. Please do it.
A final report on what went wrong with my dryer is not back yet, but the fire marshal told stories of how other fires have started. So clean your appliances and save a life or two!
http://www.newyorkbirds.net/firehazard_clothes_dryer.html

Again November 14th:
Well I am pretty down today and yesterday. I just want to pull the blankets over my head, cry, and sleep. So much for being strong. Everybody was great about me coming back to work but I just don't want to be here. Somebody keeps breaking into the property and taking stuff. Not that there is much to take, but it makes me feel like they are kicking me when I am down. I asked one of the contractors who was bidding on the job to just replace the fence now and bill me. Didn't even think to ask about the cost. Hope he fair.
The tiel sounds are great. One of my students gave me two tiels from her house, so I have three now including a male and he sings. I also adopted a plucked Hahn’s macaw with a deformed beak and sneezing from the pound. I have an appointment Friday for full blood work and maybe some beak grinding. He is a talker and a snuggler and no bigger than a little conure. My house has no TV, no cable, no phone, and no internet. Just what a desperate and depressed person needs.
Comcast comes Saturday! Yeah!
I have gotten tons of Target cards. I purchased a TV last night. Has anyone purchased a TV lately? They are all different these days--weird. Check it out. I purchased some doggy gates to keep incontent Nikkie to the kitchen. Paper towels, silverware organizer, handiwipes, pillowcases, bathroom supplies, etc. I have gotten some home depot cards. I will need to do some house repairs that won't be included in the insurance, so will purchase the supplies I need with home depot cards to keep costs down a little. I told many people this week that I could use kitchen supplies so I expect to get many donations in this area.
One thing Rebecca from Alaska is doing that is great is she is bought non-essentials for me. Comfort stuff. I got a beautiful down comforter last night and scented shampoo and body wash. She's a shopper to beat all shoppers. Too bad she is so far away; I could use her home decorating ideas here.
I can't thank everybody enough for all they are doing. This is everybodies worse nightmare. It is unfortunate that I, or anybody, have to live through it. I pray every night to God that I can wake up in the morning to find this was all a bad dream. Then I wake up to my reality sad and depressed. To hear baby again Say "wake up! Wake up!” I would give a million dollars. I was so busy with all those little babies, some times I just wanted to take a nap but couldn't because of all the noise and behaviors. I just can't finish here. I am in my class now and crying.
Talk to you all later

Kim designed a tribute to my birds on November 15th:
http://www.mytoos.com/forum/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=143102#Post143102

November 17th entry:
Wow, you are probably right and that is profound to think about and comforting. I have gotten cards, emails and donations even from Europe, so someone in every time zone day and night that is some to sleep on tonight.
I have had a few rough days last week. Today has been better, but I suspect more days of ups and downs. Some times the grief is so overwhelming, I feel as if I can't breath can't live to the next minute. Maybe next time I will also remember that somebody somewhere is thinking about me and my babies and I will get to the next minute.
Thank you.

November 19th:
I have to say this too but with a smile on my face. I have visited a few birds at friends' houses lately and it sucks that birds can't be like dogs sometimes. You go to a dog's house; he licks you, brings you his slimmy ball, and climbs into your lap even if he's 85 pounds. I want so badly to hug a bird and smell her sent and preen her feathers and they just don't want me all up in their face like that. And that really sucks. Warm thought for the night.

I would love an aviary and then with the bricks, well it would be giving me a dream come true, a great place for the next generation of rescues, and a wonderful tribute to the first.

Here is a November update for everyone:
Well the animal rescue community has earned gold stars in my grade book. I have been truly blessed being apart of this world wide community for so many reasons, but this weekend was yet another example why. On Friday, I was living in an empty house. Sunday night I slept in a house that has complete living room furniture thanks to school staff, Mickaboo volunteers, and cat rescue. My kitchen is overflowing with dishes, silverware (including some on the way), pots, and pans, utensils and spices with a little bit coming from everyone. Stockton Animal Shelter Friends (SASF) (dog/cat rescue) has outfitted my dogs with beds, leashes, baths and treats while Mickaboo has provided dog igloos and a Mytoo’s member outfitted both dogs and birds with treats. I have also gotten several offers of TV’s and expect at least one on Wednesday. More Mickaboo stuff is expected from Sacramento on Sunday and maybe more at the Christmas party. If these donations keep up I will have to have a Mickaboo garage sale here at the rented house as a fundraiser, which is probably what I will do, at least later as I get ready to go back to my house after repairs are made. And so I could go to sleep, member from Second Chance Birds board brought me a beautiful queen size bed and bookcase and helped me move from the hotel to the rental.
In addition to furniture and pans, bedding, towels, rugs, soaps, shampoos, nick knacks, silk flowers, kitchen appliances, etc. have all filled my drawers and cupboards.
Donations have come in from everywhere. Pounds from England, a paypal from France, Mytoo’s Mickaboo, SASF, New York Birds, and Stockton at large keeps dropping stuff off here at the school. It is just amazing. I didn’t realize there were this many wonderful people in the world. Someone mentioned, I think it was from Second Chance said that the animals in their passing gave me the gift that they had received from me, learning that there are humans out there that are loving and worthy of trusting. I think this is a true-ism.
I have three different contractors bidding on the job, while I won’t call it a bribe, lol, one brought me kitchen items, and another brought a futon couch and cabinet.
Asbestos abatement begins today including removal of all insulation from attic, burned out laundry room structures, kitchen gutted, and dinning room gutted. I also think my bedroom ceiling, in the back of the house, will be removed as well. I don’t know how long this will take, but I know everyone working on the project will be wearing space suits. I won’t be able to check things out until the EPA or somebody does an air analysis of the place and clears it.
The dogs are still stressed with people coming and going. Repair people working on the rental is keeping all of us frayed? But I hope things can begin to settle down. I am flying to TN for Thanksgiving to be with a friend, Kim whom I met on the Mytoo’s board. She has four too’s including two that I had rescued. Two are m2’s and two are u2’s. I am sure to get an ear full for a few days. Poor dogs will have to go into boarding for a few more days.
Mickaboo is making sure I don’t live in silence too long. There are three budgies coming to be fostered today. Between Mickaboo and students, I now have five tiels. And I adopted a Hahn’s Macaw from a humane society; he is severely plucked but not short on love or gab! A Mickaboo volunteer will be checking in on them while I am away.
As for my emotions, there are tears nearly every day. I usually can keep it together during the day, not always, but nights are the hardest. I suppose time will make a difference, but the grief seems unending. It seems like a double whammy to not only loose my loved ones but also the comfort of my home and the familiar. I just keep asking why. I guess I will keep on keeping on and take a day, or half day, at a time. Certainly, everyone love and support has and is helping me feel loved supported and cared about during is devastating time in my life.

Joannie, a friend, posts of me on December 4th:
I spoke to her last night. She is overwhelmed right now with all of the details of getting her home repaired, having to talk to contractors and make a decision on which one to do the work and accidentally got locked out of her rented home a day or two ago and had to call a locksmith to get back in. Things like that are an annoyance anytime, but with all that has happened to her it just overwhelming. Between all of that, the short daylight hours, the holiday season that she doesn't feel in the mood for...it's a lot for her to deal with. She kind of feels like God has forgotten her.
Please take a moment to say a prayer and send a note to let her know you're still thinking of her.

December 5th:
Hey, everybody,
Still here, just lurking more. I am very sad and depressed, and angry. I am just beside myself and don't even care about moving forward. I've started therapy and keep trying to call folks, but I just really want to pull the blankets over my head.
Wendystevie, got the pray book. Thank you. I didn't know you were across the pond with Sharon. Hope your son is in a better place and maybe even back home.
I read some posts here, but am just keeping more to myself. I do appreciate all the wonderful and supportive things folks keep saying. I know that I can't go back to the way things are, that forward is the best direction. But not being able to go back, it seems that I have chosen to stand still for a while.
Well, that's my update. Nothing new has happened on the house besides the toxic removal and EPA clearance. Take care.

December 11th:
December Update:
Well there is not much to report on the house construction. I did meet with an Engineer to redesign the laundry (adding cabinetry and a hot water on demand tank) and kitchen rooms (taking out wall between kitchen and dining room and adding a breakfast bar, moving the stove and putting the roll-a-way dish washer under a counter) and to build a bird room off the back bedroom with a screen-in porch between the new bedroom and laundry room. The plans are suppose to be finalized this week and submitted for permit. The next update with the house will probably be in the year 2008. Gotcha. Lol. Of course.
The asbestos and lead paint and walls have been removed from the laundry, kitchen and dining rooms as well as the corresponding ceilings and including the back bedroom ceiling. The back half of the roof will be removed and rebuilt but of course it is the raining season and nothing can happen until the permits are issued so no rush in removing the roof.
As for my emotions, well I’m a mess. Okay so it is to be expected albeit unsettling. So I have entered therapy to help me process and move forward in a positive direction. One of my homework assignments was to read something inspiring and positive everyday. So I have been finding things online, but then snooped around the Target.com store and found several interesting books. Then clothes, then music, then Sex in the City. No the last one is not for inspiration, just for fun.
Okay so why do you all care. Well because I was able to buy my inspirational stuff with the various Target ecards that folks sent me. So I want to thank you all again but also share this story and their titles incase it might inspire some of you. They all sound interesting, and I eagerly await their arrival.
Mickaboo folks and Rebecca (umbie) from Alaska continue to send my stuff. My new house if so full now, I can’t even believe it. I won’t need to replace much going back into my own home, which is great, because the contents loss money will be paying for the bird room along with the various donation checks that I have received. Many of you continue to email me or send me messages via the boards. Thank you so much. I don’t always respond back, but do read them. I am getting really lost in my sorrow so keep reading and rereading posts to feel comforted. So thank you thank you.
I hope the holidays season, what every you celebrate or enjoy, (or are forced to attend, lol) are good ones. Remember to really stop and appreciate all that you have. God Bless.
· The Parrot Who Owns Me: The Story of a Relationship" Joanna Burger;
· What Animals Tell Me: True Stories of an Animal Communicator" Dr. Monica Diedrich;
· Angel Animals: Divine Messengers of Miracles" Allen Anderson;
· The Birds in My Life" The Supreme Master Ching Hai;

Other titles given to me to inspire me:
Job of the Bible.
"Marley and Me" by John Grogan
Wish You Well" by David Baldacci
The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience. -Leo Tolstoy
"Oh the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss.

January 7th, 2008:
It's hard. I feel guilty and cautious. But I got a psychic reading about my friend whom recently passed on, and I was told:
"I collectively connected with your loved ones with the help of an Archangel friend of mine. They are all safe, happy, and free spirits. Now they wish you to be free, to release the guilt and pain, and honour them with in love and happiness.
What went before has now past and there is a bright future full of inspirations ahead.
They surround you in their love."
So, to get started, I would like to formally announce I have already been adopted by and fostering many birds. I remember when Anne said she wasn't sure that she could contribute to the site now that she didn't have birds. I thought and might have told her that was ridiculous, but I felt the same way after I lost mine. So not that I need a credential of any kind, but I have been adopted by two goffins, a grey, a Hahn’s macaw, fostering several keets and tiels, and foster a bfa. So it's official, my new things have avian dust on them. I took my Lowes ecards and purchased air purifiers, and got some humidifiers from target ecards. Those really came in handy. Thanks everyone.
I first thought that I wouldn't have birds again, not that I didn't want them just that they wouldn't come to me. Silly me. I forgot an empty foster home is an oxymoron.
Well, there's my official announcement. I will get pictures loaded later.
p.s. Anne is busy working on a memorial, and it is looking good so far.

Here are the new members:
http://s125.photobucket.com/albums/p60/couragee/new%20family/?albumview=slideshow
Here’s the old house, now getting rained on and leaked into:
http://s125.photobucket.com/albums/p60/couragee/new%20home/?albumview=slideshow

My House on Baker Street

2008-01-15T21:28:00.000-08:00

Since moving into my house on baker street, that title has hung in the air as something I should complete. I have played with the idea of how to wrap a novel of some type around it but never quite seeing a fit.
Tonight, Jan 15, 2008, I think I did it. Surviving and Thriving on Baker Street. That is what is seems to all lead up to. Two major disasters, a history of incest and survival, animal rescue, finding my way in a profession, in friendships, in relationships. It all comes to this moment, this fire, this abscense from the house. Do I decide to thrive or do I "give up". Give up; I remember having a conversation with a friend who thought that the only way to lose in this life is to give up. "Don't give up and kill yourself, Maria. There will be a light at the end even if you don't see anything right now." Baker street is a test. My test. Am I going to make it; figure it out; bring it altogether? Or has this life been wasted.
I am suppose to make it. I am suppose to heal; to see the connections; tie them together; and share.
Incest, abandonment, school, flood, fire, lost of family after family, still survive and thrive on Baker street and in life.

I think that is it!

First posts toward something mysterious

2008-01-14T20:59:00.000-08:00

January 14, 2008. I am surviving. I am working on thriving. I decided to try setting up a blog where all my strands might be compiled together; maybe something that can support others, or just be a place to return to for me to check on my progress.